


Holly Daze

by risokura



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Bisexuality, Christmas Fluff, Emotional Vulnerability, F/F, First Time, Fluff, Holidays, Past Relationship(s), Relationship Issues, Sexual Hangups, Virgins Being Awkward, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:28:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28028544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risokura/pseuds/risokura
Summary: A holiday getaway to Byleth's parent's cabin brings about relationship issues and confusion that Byleth and Edelgard have been ignoring for too long. Edelgard/Byleth.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 15
Kudos: 191





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Not much. Two parts.
> 
> Wanted to write something for the holidays.
> 
> Haha. Holly. Daze. Get it? I'm an idiot.

It started with a question, as these things often do.

They were seated together in some cafe Byleth had picked out for their date that night. Standard, in-between the downtime of work and the holiday season mania—Byleth, _always_ made sure to make time for Edelgard no matter how busy things were.

Byleth is currently sipping away at her hot chocolate, as Edelgard holds her steaming mug of tea to her lips. She lowers her eyes, soft, in Edelgard’s direction and a slight smile comes to her face as she lowers her mug back to the table. The usual gaze she always reserved for Edelgard, never really letting on to what she was thinking, but exposing everything all at the same time.

There’s chatter all around them, other patrons engaged in their own worlds. But neither of them is concerned with that at the moment. Edelgard sets her cup of tea back onto its saucer and leans forward. Is there something that Byleth’s wants to talk about? Their conversation had grown stagnant for a while now… 

“Byleth?” Edelgard starts, “Is… there something on your mind?”

“Hm?” Byleth tilts her head to the side, as if she had heard Edelgard call her name, but there’s nothing for her to say.

“You’re looking at me as if you want to say something.” Edelgard states, “You’ve been quiet for a while now.”

“You as well.” Byleth replies. She looks down at her hot chocolate, the same soft smile on her face, “But, yeah. I guess there _is_ something.”

“Yes?”

Byleth leans back in her chair, rests her arms at her sides, “It’s getting kind of close to Christmas now…” She begins, “…And I know we really haven’t … been together for very long now…”

 _Three months_ , Edelgard thinks to herself. She nods, silently encouraging Byleth to continue.

“But, the holidays, you see… are kind of a … big thing in my family?” Byleth rubs the side of her face, averting her gaze. It’s almost as if she’s embarrassed to ask Edelgard what she wants to know. Was it too soon?

“And?” Edelgard brings her mug to her lips again—nervous—feeling a slight stirring in the pool of her stomach— _just_ waiting for Byleth to finally stop beating around what she wants to ask her.

“My parents… they’ve got this cabin out in the woods. About a four hour drive away from Enbarr.” Byleth leans forward on the table, readjusts herself as she starts rapping away on the wooden table with one of her knuckles. She looks up at Edelgard, “We usually go up there every year to celebrate Christmas.”

“Oh…” Edelgard swallows and lowers her gaze down to the shiny, brown liquid in her mug, “Go on.”

“And… I just wanted to know— _Edelgard—_ what are you doing for the holidays?” Byleth finally asks her, “I was _wondering_ if you would … like to come with me? To my parents cabin that is.”

 _Oh_. Edelgard tries to hide the blush creeping onto her cheeks behind her mug of tea and sips at it again, “I, well, Byleth… that’s _quite_ the invitation. Thank you, I…”

Sensing her discomfort, Byleth immediately begins shaking her head, “I mean, I—it’s not for another two weeks that we would be going up there. So, you can take your time and decide. I just …” Now _she’s_ blushing as she looks down at her mug, “I… my brother is bringing _his_ fiancé up there and I … I kind of, I don’t know, thought _maybe_ I could do the same and—“

“Byleth.”

“—it’s really no pressure, I know this time of year is kind of weird for you. But, I was thinking, maybe you would appreciate having family around even if it isn’t _your_ family, per se. I mean, mom and dad know about you and I’m pretty sure they would love to have the chance to finally _meet_ you, and—“

 _“Byleth_.” Edelgard tries again, trying to snap her girlfriend out of her rampant thoughts. She sets her mug back down on the saucer.

“I’m sorry, I was rambling, wasn’t I?”

“ _Yes_.” Edelgard’s smile is sweet, “Either way, I appreciate the invitation. ...I think it would be nice to get out of the city and do that. That is, go to your family’s cabin and celebrate the holidays with them. I was just going to maybe spend some time with Hubert or Dorothea if it really came to being alone again, but I…”

 _It’s been a long time since I’ve had a proper holiday with anything resembling family_ —is what she wants to say. The thoughts still on Edelgard’s tongue as she takes another sip of her tea and stares at her reflection within the liquid.

How long has it been now since her father’s passing? Six years? An inheritance left to an orphan who was barely on the cusp of adulthood. A lonely mansion to traverse, no smiles, or voices to warm its cold and barren walls. The heiress, Edelgard von Hresvelg. Known by many, touched by few. Byleth knows only of glimpses regarding her past, let them spill forth when Edelgard was ready. She doesn’t push, she will _never_ push, and Edelgard knows this.

“So… you’ll _come_?” Byleth asks, her eyes lighting up at the prospect of having Edelgard with her to celebrate her _favorite_ time of year… besides her birthday of course.

“Yes.” Edelgard nods as she watches Byleth start grinning so hard, that singular dimple on the corner of her mouth comes into view. Edelgard finishes her tea and sets the empty mug back on the plate, a small smile of her own coming to her features, “I will.”

—

“So this is all a grand plan to finally fuck your girlfriend, right?”

“ _Claude_.” Byleth heaves a heavy sigh as she throws another black turtleneck into her suitcase on the floor of her bedroom and ignores Claude’s snickering on the other end of their video chat, “It’s _not_ like that.”

“But you’re inviting her to spend Christmas with us, By. With your _family_.” Claude reminds her as he leans back in his chair and brings a small smoking pipe into view. He presses his thumb down into the small, green nuggets sitting within the bowl and then looks back up into the camera’s lens, “I mean. I think that’s pretty big, don’t know about you.”

“Like I said, it’s _not_ like that.” Byleth pauses, turning around to face the computer as she puts her hands on her hips, “She doesn’t have anyone to celebrate the holidays with and I’m not just going to _leave_ her here in Enbarr to fend for herself while I go and spend time with a family that she doesn’t have anymore.”

“Ah.” Claude pauses as he flicks his lighter and presses it down into the bowl, taking a deep hit. He coughs as his side of the screen fills with smoke and waves his hand at the air to disperse it, “So you’re trying to get in touch with your inner saint, that it?”

“Claude, she’s my _girlfriend._ ”

“First one at that, congratulations. I guess there goes me and Bereto asking you to be our surrogate, yeah?” He coughs again, “Wonder how Sitri and Jeralt are _ever_ going to get grandchildren at this rate.”

“Would you stop being such an idiot for once and actually _focus?”_ Byleth snaps as she walks over to her laptop and sits down in her desk chair. “Sometimes I wonder why I even bother calling you for these things.”

“Cause you … _love_ me.” Claude states. It’s not a question, “Anyway, I’m just messing with you, By. Who knew one night time art class over the summer would land you with the most sought after heiress in all of Enbarr.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“You _do_ know who Edelgard’s family is, right? Who they used to be? They practically own half the city and probably the ground you walk on.” Claude chuckles, “Then again, from the way that you describe it… _she_ came after _you_ didn’t she?”

“Something like that…” Byleth murmurs, her thoughts drifting off to just _how_ much better she and Edelgard had gotten acquainted over the summer.

Byleth had been trying to _expand_ her horizons, try something new—as Claude had so willingly encouraged. Something about getting over her last breakup with some idiot who wasn’t worth her time. During a drunken night out, where she pretended she _wasn’t_ heartbroken and Claude was playing the dutiful role of the best friend, he told her that she needed to stop wallowing already and put her energies into something that _mattered_.

Byleth had tried other things, but nothing really stuck. West African dance classes, but she had no rhythm. Chess club with underprivileged kids, but they always kicked her ass. Reading to senior citizens, but they always fell asleep on her. It was exhausting at best. But then Claude, in all of his _infinite_ best friend wisdom, had suggested she try out art classes— _nude modeling_ art classes.

At first, Byleth had balked at the idea, thinking that he was referring to _her_ getting nude for an entire room of people and having them draw _her_ of all people. But, he had just laughed and told her that no, she should try drawing. She wasn’t completely terrible… why not try it out and see where it got her?

On her first night, when Enbarr was just starting to feel the humidity of summer sinking in, Byleth and arrived earlier than most at the community center and proceeded to sign up for her first class. She entered the classroom, making awkward eye contact with the regulars, and decided to chose a spot in the corner in the back of the room. Nondescript, she could hide if she needed to. More people filed in as she set her drawing pad down, fumbled around with pencils she had no idea how to use or what they were for, and kind of just fiddled around with her phone as she waited for class too start.

And then _Edelgard_ had made her appearance and their first interaction was her _staring_ Byleth down and scrunching up her face— _You’re in my spot._ Oh. _Sorry._ Byleth had just kind of … stared at her, not entirely sure about what to do. The seats to her left and right were both occupied and the space was already too full of people and their mess to move anywhere else. She looked at Edelgard with a blank stare—just _what_ was this woman expecting her to do? With a _heavy_ sigh, Edelgard tucked some loose brown hair behind her ear, and took a seat two spaces away. So much for introductions.

During that first class, Byleth could barely _look_ at the model as she dropped her robe and assumed position on the pedestal in the center of the room. She drew lines across her paper—oblong or too short—as their instructor waltzed around the room, leaning in to observe how things were going. She praised Edelgard for her use of perspective and kind of just… restrained her commentary on Byleth’s work for the night— _it’s okay, just keep practicing._ Really, the model looked more like an elephant than a human when Byleth was done. Either way, she kept at it. On her second night, she made sure not to sit in _Edelgard’s_ seat, and resumed her terrible sketches for the first few weeks of the summer.

It was during one of their nights—almost midsummer—when they were drawing a male model, that Edelgard’s view on Byleth begins to change. Class was over and all the other students had filed out of the community center, thanking their instructor as they left, some lingering outside for a smoke or a quick chat with a friend, before departing off into the night. Byleth was one of those stragglers, lingering outside with her phone in her hands and trying to ascertain just where the rest of the night would take her. Some friend or another had texted her earlier about getting drinks and catching up, but she was still on the fence about it.

Her takes a break from her phone and her eyes canvass the scene around her. There’s Edelgard—standing outside, alone, and removed from the usual bunch. She was standing by the curb, tote bag drawn tightly under her arm and her gaze pointed at the street as she seemed to be waiting for something or someone. The male model from tonight’s class—some overly confident weirdo by the name of Sylvain—was hovering over her shoulder and trying to make conversation, but the girl just _wasn’t_ interested.

Byleth had noticed the looks that he seemed to keep throwing Edelgard’s way during class, and needless to say, she wasn’t impressed. It wasn’t until she saw Sylvain put a hand on Edelgard’s shoulder that she realized that she had more important things than getting drunk with friends. Edelgard’s previous coldness forgotten, Byleth wasn’t going to let a fellow female get harassed by some man that couldn’t take a god damn _hint_.

“Edelgard.” Byleth calls out to her as she walks over to the two and catches Edelgard trying to shrug Sylvain’s hand off of her.

Edelgard perks at the sound of the voice and _someone_ acknowledging her and this creep who just won’t leave her alone. She turns to look over her shoulder and … _oh_. It was the weird blue-haired woman who didn’t know the difference between her 2B and 6B pencils and drew everything way too _dark_. Byleth, was it? She catches the look Byleth gives Sylvain and then softens when she looks at Edelgard, “Yes?”

“I’ve been looking _everywhere_ for you.” Byleth says as she reaches for Edelgard’s hand, intent on pulling her away from Sylvain who’s about to voice his protest. “What are you doing standing over here? Come on, I already called a cab. We’re going to be _late_.”

“Wait, wait, _wait_.” Sylvain calls out from behind the two of them, and starts following after them now, “What are you doing? I thought you said you were waiting for your _ride_.”

“She is.” Byleth says as she stops, hand still holding firmly to Edelgard and ushering her slightly behind her, “With _me_.”

“Oh, is she now?” Sylvain asks, looking at the brunette slightly obscured from view, “Well, maybe _I_ can join this ride. Turn this twosome into a _threesome_ , huh?”

“Not interested.” Byleth replies, “And neither is she. Now, if you would so kindly leave us alone. You have a good night, yeah?”

Sylvain _really_ can’t seem to take a hint, because his gaze flickers to Byleth’s chest and licks his lips at the sight of her cleavage in her black tank top. He grins as she looks back up at her, “You sure about that?”

At that point, Edelgard has had _enough_ of this exchange and this _man_ that won’t take a hint. She exits from behind Byleth, a can of _mace_ firmly pointed in Sylvain’s direction, and a stern look on her face. “If you don’t _fuck_ off right now, I won’t hesitate to hit this nozzle.”

Byleth… can’t say she’s surprised by Edelgard’s escalation of the situation. She looks back at Sylvain who looks a little stricken at the thought of being maced by this tiny woman and holds up his hands in surrender. Really, _ladies,_ he was just trying to have a good time. No need to get so _violent._ Edelgard holds the can steady as she watches him back away from the two of them and heads back in the direction of the community center, in search of someone else to harass.

“As if I didn’t already have to suffer enough looking at his _small_ dick all night.” Edelgard mutters, as she drops her mace back into her bag and then turns to look at Byleth, “…Regardless, I thank you for your thoughtfulness.”

Byleth nods her head, a soft smile coming to her face, “My mom always told me to watch out for other girls when I was out… but I think it kind of extends to everyday life, you know?”

“Wise words.” Edelgard remarks, “I’m sorry you had to do that at all. It’s just… I’m waiting for my friend Hubert to come pick me up and take me home, but he’s just so _late_ tonight.”

“…You can’t just take the train?” Byleth asks her.

Edelgard hesitates for a minute and then answers her, “I live a bit far, on the outskirts of town. Surely, you must wonder why I come all this way for a simple _art_ class of all things.”

Byleth shrugs, “We all have our things.”

“It gives me a chance to get out of the house.” Edelgard answers, even though Byleth _really_ wasn’t asking her for an explanation. She tilts her head to the side, giving Byleth the once over, before continuing. Perhaps she had judged this artistically disinclined woman a little too quickly, “And what about you?”

“Huh?” Byleth asks., “Oh… where do I live?”

Edelgard merely nods her head, encouraging her to continue.

“In the city. Down by the old fish market.” Byleth answers, “I’m an aquaculture technician.”

“Aquaculture… technician?” Edelgard asks, the words are foreign to her.

“Yeah. Stuff with fish. Raise all types of sea life in artificial conditions. Research sustainability and all of that.” Byleth shrugs. She really doesn’t want to bore Edelgard, she _knows_ how people get when she talks about this kind of stuff.

“Sounds … interesting.” Edelgard clears her throat, trying not to be rude.

“And what about you?”

“Me?”

“Yes, what do you do?”

“Oh… I…” Edelgard fidgets with the strap of her bag and lowers her gaze, “I don’t do much, really. I draw, mostly. Paint sometimes.”

“So, you’re an artist.”

“You can say that.”

At that moment, two blinding headlights come around the curb and illuminate the two of them in the darkness. Edelgard picks her head up as the car comes to a stop in front of them and the person driving it parks it. Byleth winces as the lights blind her temporarily, and when they adjust, she’s met with a rather intimidating tall and pale man, walking around to open the door for Edelgard.

“Edelgard, I must apologize for my tardiness. Traffic was absolutely _inane_ tonight. Accidents, left and right. Drunkards everywhere I _looked_.”

“That’s all right, Hubert.” Edelgard replies as she looks at Byleth, “Byleth here was keeping me company.”

“ _Right_.” Hubert cuts a discerning eye toward the woman standing beside Edelgard and narrows them, “If you are ready, I will make haste. It is getting rather late after all.”

“Of course.” Edelgard turns back to Byleth, gives her a slight nod as she makes her departure, “See you next week, Byleth. And … thank you again, for tonight.”

Byleth waves, “No problem.”

Hubert closes the door after Edelgard gets situated and looks Byleth up and down, before departing to the driver’s side again and getting into the car. Byleth watches as the two of them depart into the night, thinking to herself— _Maybe she’s not so bad after all—_ when her phone chimes nosily in her pocket.

 _Right_. Those friends. Drinks. Yeah.

Forgot about that.

—

Their relationship slowly progresses into friendship after that.

Edelgard starts sitting next to Byleth in class, giving her pointers and looking over their drawings from the night. They always end the night, sitting together and huddled into a booth in a café near the community center, waiting for Hubert to come pick Edelgard up as he always does. It seems that Hubert just keeps coming later and later as the summer moves along.

The nights are warm, calming. They sip their iced coffee and tea, condensation gathering and falling from their palms, the remnants of pencil markings and erasers dirtying the table beneath them—little rivulets of truth and knowledge fall into the space between them. Byleth never asks Edelgard more than she wants to divulge and Edelgard doesn’t really seem to know _how_ to ask Byleth questions about herself. For all her intrinsic need of wanting to help and getting to know people, Byleth has always had a hard time reading people.

They learn little things about one another though. Edelgard wonders if Byleth knows who she is. If she knows about how much her family has done for this city. She doesn’t dress like the spoiled heiress people claim her to be—more like a thrift store reject with zero sense of style. Byleth doesn’t really care about these things though. She’s more interested in seeing the glow, the sheer _joy_ come to Edelgard’s face as she looks over Byleth’s terrible drawings and just _smiles_ at her. She should keep trying, even if she can barely nail down one point perspective. Byleth doesn’t really care either way. She’s happy to meet someone new—another _friend—_ and a female at that.

They start meeting up outside of their nighttime art class during the day. Byleth notices that wherever Edelgard goes that _driver_ of hers is never too far behind, and he watches the two of them like a _hawk_. Byleth should find herself slightly unnerved, but Edelgard just rolls her eyes and admits that Hubert is a little overprotective her. He has to be… considering who she is.

Summer eventually nears its end and Edelgard finds herself somewhat heartbroken when Byleth tells her that she’s thinking of stopping art classes. She admits that this was something that she was doing to take her mind off of how messy her life had been this year, tells Edelgard of the break-up that left her questioning her sense of self and who she was. But this, _doing_ this—perhaps meeting Edelgard as well—has dulled some of that self-doubt. Byleth thinks that its time that she moves on and try something else… or focus on work again. Edelgard asks Byleth if that means … she won’t see her anymore? Byleth just smiles at her— _Why, do you wish to see more of me, Edelgard_?

See more …of _Byleth_? Edelgard mistakes Byleth’s words to mean something _else_ and in the back of her mind, she can hear Dorothea whispering to her— _Well, do you know if she’s gay, Edie?_ Well, was _she_?

Edelgard questions her about this breakup and Byleth tells her a story of an ex-boyfriend who didn’t really care about _…her_. She fluffs up the story for Edelgard. Edelgard doesn’t have to know about how he was more concerned with satisfying _his_ needs, grabbing at her ass or tits all the time when she slapped him away, refusing to acknowledge her needs when she _asked_ the simplest things of him.

Byleth tells her that she _loved_ this man… but _him_? _Sometimes I felt like nothing more than a place for him to park his dick at night—_ is what Byleth is thinking, but doesn’t say. She just looks up at Edelgard, grabs her iced coffee and takes a sip— _Let’s just say he didn’t love me in the way that I loved him._

Those words pain Edelgard’s heart, twofold. One, for the hurt she sees Byleth trying to hide in her eyes, and _two…_ well, maybe she was dreaming about the certain thoughts that her mind liked to entertain her with. In-between the spaces of their departures from one another. Byleth quickly disperses the darkness, smiles at her and asks her— _What about you, Edelgard? Heartbreak ever have you questioning your life?_

Edelgard sips her iced tea and nods her head—a _lie—_ and mutters something about a bad breakup with an ex-boyfriend, too. She’s never known _one_. Man or a woman.

Hubert comes too soon, pulling her away before this conversation can even continue. Edelgard leaves Byleth behind, feeling somewhat melancholic, as she watches the city lights pass her by and they fade into the suburban sprawl of the outskirts of Enbarr. A _boyfriend_. Another straight girl, huh? She had done it again. Not that it mattered.

Hubert turns an eye to view her in the rearview mirror and notices her morose state of mind. Is something wrong? Did that Byleth woman say something to you tonight that I need to _correct_? Edelgard shakes her head. No, there was no need for Hubert and his _corrections_. This was something that was her own fault and she would just need to sit with these emotions and let them _be_ for a little while.

Edelgard processes her emotions through steaming cups of bergamot and an empty canvas. She paints with the deepest shade of blue, peach for the highlights on the cheeks, that small dot in the corner of her mouth for that quirky dimple of hers. She stares at the painting, as it lies half finished in her room at night, and wonders _why_ is she doing this to herself? This woman— _Byleth_. This _friend_ that she has come to know, come to have some type of _feeling_ for. Why does this _always_ happen?

In the morning, she invites Dorothea over for brunch. Dorothea sits in the warmth of the late summer sun, kicking her legs back and forth in the pool of Edelgard’s backyard and readjusts her sunglasses over her eyes. Edelgard, behind her and protected from the glare of the sun by a white umbrella, word vomits her stupidity to her best friend and bemoans the lack of viable _women_ in this city. _Why does this always happen, Dorothea_? Dorothea’s smile widens and she pushes her sunglasses over her head. She just said she had _one_ ex-boyfriend, _Edie_. Would you _relax_? This isn’t over yet. You know that, right?

Byleth leaves art class near the end of August—but doesn’t leave Edelgard’s life. She enjoys her company… maybe they could just hang out every now and then and do stuff that _girl friends_ do. Heterosexual stuff, that is, not the sapphic desires slowly burning through the core of Edelgard’s heart.

They go shopping; go out for lunch dates on the weekends. Byleth even brings Edelgard around to her job to look at the hatcheries. Edelgard doesn’t quite understand what Byleth finds so fascinating about fish of all things, but she could pretend to enjoy it. For the sake of her little crush, that is.

The relationship evolves, blooms like a well-nurtured plant. Perhaps, slightly askew, as its leaves search for sunlight on a rainy and overcast day. They talk about other things. Sometimes philosophical, sometimes stupid shit. The conversations never seem to end despite neither having the propensity for social interactions. At least they could be awkward together.

Byleth doesn’t talk about relationships again for a while and Edelgard doesn’t prod. Instead, the young heiress looks for other clues—other inklings—that Byleth wasn’t as heterosexual as she hoped she wasn’t. While she’s nervous around people she doesn’t know, high society and social grace has taught Edelgard to be cunning, learn subtly in the art of conversation. She’s had enough practice in cutting down the many suitors that are forever knocking at her door. Perhaps she could learn to do the same with Byleth.

Things come back around to what brought them together in the first place and Byleth shows Edelgard some of her new drawings and they’re _still_ terrible. But, Edelgard critiques them regardless and gives her some more pointers. In return, Byleth asks Edelgard if she can see some of Edelgard’s work—beyond what they used to draw together in class. She seems a little hesitant, but leaves Byleth with a business card—pristine, minimalist and _white—_ and tells her to look at the site that's on the bottom of the card.

In the darkness of her bedroom at night, Byleth’s mouth is _agape_ with wonder as she scrolls through the website with some of Edelgard’s artwork. The next time they meet she can’t stop gushing about how much she _loved_ Edelgard’s paintings and the other woman tries to hide the redness that tints her pale, pale, cheeks.

 _You have a lot of drawings of women—_ Byleth comments offhandedly— _and all over the spectrum, too. Young, old, white, black, abled and with disabilities, transgendered, cisgendered, so many different body shapes… I was impressed_. That smile comes to her face, the dimple showing up as deep and pronounced, like in Edelgard’s half finished painting. Byleth continues— _So many people ignore what’s out there, especially us—you know—women? I can’t really speak on it, considering I’m pretty much the status quo. But, there are so many different people out there… I think it’s amazing that you try and represent them all in your artwork._

Edelgard feels the need to explain herself, tells Byleth that she does commission work— _portraits—_ strictly for women. Things get a little personal as Edelgard tells her of how she used to be … somewhat sickly as a teenager. _I walked with a cane at one point… I have MS._ She was in remission—for _now—_ but it could always come back. It _would_ come back.

Byleth nods her head in understanding, tilting her head to the side. Edelgard continues, explains how people always told her she was such a _beautiful_ woman _,_ even if she had this disability. And she _hated_ it. So she sought to express that in her artwork. I want to show that people, regardless of whoever they are, are _normal._ Byleth nods silently, perhaps understanding her a little better in that moment. As they finish up their conversation, Byleth leans forward, her eyes earnest— _Can you paint **me** someday? _Little did she know, Edelgard already was.

Late September, Byleth invites Edelgard out one night to a bar—it’s her birthday and her brother is in town— _Please, come out and celebrate with me, Edelgard?_ Edelgard hesitates to tell Byleth that she doesn’t drink, multiple sclerosis and all that, but resolves to go either way. She brings Hubert with her for unwarranted protection—not her wishes, Hubert doesn’t particularly like letting Edelgard out of his _sight_ in situations like this.

She finds Byleth at the bar with a taller male—same blue hair, dimmer blue eyes—with a tan man draped over his shoulders. Byleth’s eyes are _alight_ with happiness when she sees Edelgard and … her strange driver friend—Hubert, right?—walking her way. Byleth gestures toward her brother first and then the tan man leaning in dangerously close beside him— _This is my brother, Bereto, and his_ fiancé, _Claude_.

Edelgard finds the world growing warm around her and her mind is rife with questions and wonder—Byleth’s twin brother was _gay_? So what did she think about girls and … maybe there _was_ hope after all. This was her _in_. The cogs begin to turn and Edelgard grips at her glass of soda, trying to prevent the smile from growing on her face.

Byleth devolves into a drunken and giddy haze of lightness. At some point in the night, she sits alone with Edelgard at a table in the back of the bar. The two of them are removed from the raucous noise, as more of her and her brother’s friends show up over the course of the night. She’s a little tired … and all she wants to do right now is share a quiet moment with this _special_ little friend of hers.

Edelgard notices Byleth having a hard time maintaining eye contact, as her eyes seem to be unfocused and wandering all over the place. She leans forward on the table, sipping at her soda, and finally asks Byleth what she’s wanted to know _all_ this time— _Byleth, what do you think about girls?_ Byleth looks at her, smiles and tilts her head to the side. What in the world was Edelgard _talking_ about?

Edelgard swirls the straw in her drink, carefully thinking about her word choice. She aims two disarming eyes in Byleth’s direction and repeats her question. _You have a lot of gay friends…_ She leaves the statement open. Byleth starts laughing now at Edelgard’s assessment of her friend group. Yeah, she supposes she does. Why, does that bother, Edelgard? Edelgard shakes her head. Just an observation. She’s _always_ observing people—Byleth, most of all. Those blue eyes lower slightly, flirtatious tone in her voice and Byleth leans a little closer to Edelgard— _Why? Are you jealous?_

Edelgard shakes her head, keeping composure. She’s not going to let the alcohol coursing through Byleth’s system to cause her to lose focus. Edelgard repeats her question from before and Byleth smile turns slightly amorous. _I don’t know, Edelgard, what do_ you _think about girls_? It’s Edelgard who takes the leap that night—Byleth doesn’t pull away.

In the morning, nursing a headache and groaning as the sunlight waltzes, uninvited, into her room, Byleth wakes up with faint memories of a certain brunette with wide and soft lavender eyes _kissing_ her of all things. As if they were entertaining similar thoughts that morning, Edelgard is already calling her and her soft voice on the end of the line seems hesitant, apologetic. _I shouldn’t have done that last night, I’m sorry. It was the heat of the moment and—_ Edelgard. Stop. Let’s … meet up and talk about things, okay?

They sit in the café—the same one that they used to always go to at the beginning of the summer. Edelgard fingers the rim of her teacup and Byleth sips through the last dregs of her iced coffee. So… what did that _kiss_ mean last night? _I’m gay_. Edelgard confesses, her hands tightening around the teacup. _I just want to know… are you, too_? This can’t progress any further if you want to turn me into some type of experimentation ploy… I’m not like that, Byleth. I can’t—Byleth halts her before she can lament things any further. Sure, she wasn’t really one to put a label to her sexuality, but she’s been with girls, too… _sort_ of.

A smile comes to Edelgard’s face and she searches Byleth’s face for meaning. So… did that mean they were … a couple? What were they doing? Byleth leans back in her chair and tilts her head to the side. Maybe they should just take things slow and see where it took them?

They start calling their little meet-ups _dates_. The first time, a chilly night in October. Byleth brings her flowers and scratches the back of her head in confusion. She’s not entirely sure how this is supposed to work when there are … _two_ of them. Edelgard sniffs them and loves the gesture regardless. They sit in the darkness of the movie theater, trying to work out whose hand should fit over the other on the armrest between them. Edelgard works it out, interlaces her fingers with Byleth’s and smiles at her in the darkness of the theater. Dinner, Byleth pushes her slice of chocolate cake in Edelgard’s direction—we should _share_.

At the end of the night, Hubert is there to pick Edelgard up like he always does— _stares_ Byleth down—and whisks Edelgard away back into the suburban calm of Enbarr. As Edelgard feels nothing but the warmth spreading from the center of her chest, Byleth stumbles her way home, and tries to fight the blush that keeps coming to her cheeks at the thought of Edelgard smiling at her that night.

The weeks pass, they continue their little dates. Things become _official_ at some point when Edelgard finally invites Byleth over to her house—her damn _mansion—_ and tells her that there’s something she wants to share with her. Edelgard is nervous as she pulls Byleth through winding corridors, away from Hubert’s intense gaze at the front of the house, and into a singular room aligned with white curtained windows and the soft light of autumn dusk.

In the center of the room is a painting, which Byleth recognizes to be herself. Edelgard walks around the room, fiddling with her hands as she looks away from Byleth and explains why she brought her here. _You asked me to paint you someday… but I was already working on this before you even thought to ask._ She looks up at Byleth, waiting for her reaction. Byleth walks forward, runs a singular finger along the oil and resin that’s long since dried and motions for Edelgard to come to her. She kisses her softly— _It’s beautiful._ As they stand together in an embrace, alone, Edelgard looks up at her— _You know, Byleth, I think… I’d like it if you started calling me, El…_

The warmth continues to grow. Edelgard invites her over for dinner; it’s lonely living in this big old mansion by herself. Byleth brings her over to her loft and they stand around in the kitchen trying to figure out what they should cook together for the night. The memories of the burns of past relationships’ fade from Byleth’s mind as she looks at the woman beside her. Her cooking skills are … _terrible_. Almost as bad as Byleth’s drawings. But, Byleth is as patient as Edelgard had been with her and shows her how to quarter vegetables into equal sizes. Not the giant hunks Edelgard had been knifing them into.

They hold hands; they kiss from time to time. But, as with any adult relationship, Byleth’s mind starts to wander. When was that _other_ thing going to come into play? She recalls a former conversation with Edelgard—she had experience with men _and_ women right? Maybe _she_ knew how things were supposed to work when two women… did … _things_ together. Byleth decides not to bring it up just yet. The relationship was still new after all and she didn’t want this woman—this gentle, _kind_ soul who had somehow wandered into her life—to think that that was the _only_ thing on her mind. Edelgard didn’t seem like the type to want to jump into something like that so soon, anyway.

Edelgard stays the night by accident. They had been watching a movie, fallen asleep and by time either of them woke up, Edelgard had two missed calls from Hubert and simply told him— _I’ll just stay the night at Byleth’s place._ Byleth had bristled when Edelgard looked at her with that _innocent_ gaze and just nodded her head. Sure, sure, it was _okay_. No. …It kind of wasn’t.

The two of them are awkward again. Byleth insists that Edelgard can take her bed and Edelgard tells her that it’s okay if they _both_ share it. Byleth shakes her head again, makes her way over to the couch with a pillow under her arm and a blanket wrapped over her shoulders. Edelgard is left feeling slightly rejected as she falls into the sheets of Byleth’s bed and mutters a pained— _Goodnight_. Everything goes dark.

In the morning, Edelgard is staring at her before she wakes and asks Byleth— _Do you find me… undesirable, Byleth?—_ to which Byleth shakes her head. No. She just thought… she didn’t want Edelgard to feel _pressured_ into anything. She doesn’t know if Edelgard believes her response, but her girlfriend simply nods her head in vague understanding.

They dance around one another. Excuses, reddened cheeks, stuttered explanations. Byleth has Edelgard underneath her one afternoon, mussing the sheets of Edelgard’s bed with confusion and desire. Edelgard’s lips part as she stutters out— _Wait—_ and Byleth pulls away from her, confused as always. It seems that every time they get into these situations, they’re always stopping for some reason.

Edelgard thought she was ready for something like … _this_. But this is the first time she’s had something like … _this_. And every time she feels the weight of Byleth settling on top of her, breasts pushed together, that thigh just hovering in-between her legs—she _wants_ to stop. Thoughts are racing in the back of her mind, preventing her body from seeking what it desperately needs. What if she and Byleth finally go beyond this? Byleth is going to _know,_ right? That she lied about those supposed relationships? That she was still … that she still had that little card that she should have _lost_ by now given her age? And it started with a big, fat, **V**.

Byleth, in return, is somewhat glad when they stop things from going any further. So… she was carrying around her own pack of lies. She hadn’t done much but kiss other girls. Never a girlfriend, always a drunken make-out somewhere or another. Not that she didn’t find women attractive or never saw herself with one—just look at who she was with _now—_ she had always found herself with men of all people. Being with women _did_ something to her. Cracked open her heart a little too wide, made her feel vulnerable in places she didn’t like accessing. Would Edelgard even understand that? She didn’t want to guard herself when it came to Edelgard… but this relationship was starting to do things to her— _stir_ up things she hadn’t acknowledged since she was a teenager.

Was this form of intimacy _that_ important that it would be some type of roadblock in their relationship? Neither one of them had seemed to want to broach the topic. Edelgard is content with pretending that things were still _new_ , their relationship was still fresh enough for neither of them to be concerned with that level of physical intimacy just yet. Byleth’s concerns lie more so in the realm of reconciling her failures of relationships from the past. She doesn’t want to repeat the same patterns with Edelgard, doesn’t want to close herself off from this woman who has touched some part of her that has remained hidden from the world for so long.

And so, as the two of settle into Byleth’s car, driving north of Enbarr for some holiday getaway—smiling on the outside, thoughts racing on the inside—their white lies swirl around them, just like the snow falling from the sky.

Settling softly, just ready to be exposed.


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind was running. Things became slighter longer. 
> 
> Why, whenever I write fluff, it always descends into some angsty territory? Don't worry. Gay holiday happiness shall come. Along with sexy times.

The light that descends into Edelgard’s eyes, as they finally reach the cabin, sets the mood for the beginning of the trip. A mood Byleth can only hope to keep up before her family finally arrives in a couple of days.

Edelgard had suggested that they get out of Enbarr and head up a little earlier than the rest. She wanted to spend some time alone with Byleth, just unwinding in the middle of the countryside, secluded, in this _tiny_ little cabin that Byleth had kept trying to downplay. Edelgard turns to her girlfriend as she pulls her leather book bag onto her back and nudges her shoulder slightly—this isn’t _tiny_ by any means, Byleth. It’s a sprawling work of wood and cast iron set in the middle of what looks like a winter holiday greeting card. Edelgard’s eyes rove over the cabin again as Byleth goes to pop the trunk and start pulling their bags out. Her heart skips a beat, it was _beautiful_.

They enter the rustic cabin and Byleth sets their bags on the floor with a resounding thud. Edelgard shivers slightly as Byleth begins to flip on lights and mess around with the thermostat on the inside. It’s been awhile since they’ve been up here. Not since the summer at least. As the central heating begins to click and churn, the furnace coming to life again, Byleth removes her gloves and gestures toward the living room—as if saying _welcome_.

“So… this is it.” Byleth says as she shuffles off her snow caked boots and walks along the wooden floors of the cabin, “...The Eisner family getaway. I guess… you can call it that.”

“It’s charming.” Edelgard remarks as she finally pulls her earmuffs off her head and shakes out her hair, “This might sound a little silly… but it’s actually my first time doing something like this.”

“What do you mean?” Byleth asks as she begins walking over to the fireplace in the living room and pulls open the glass doors to observe the state of it.

“A tiny cabin in the woods. Family. The holidays.” Edelgard remarks, “When I was younger, my father would sometimes take us on holidays in Europe during Christmas. But, it was never anything like this. Roughing it, I think?”

Byleth chuckles, “I see we have two very _different_ ideas of what roughing it means.”

Edelgard shakes her head, “I … I didn’t mean offense with my words, I apologize, Byleth. That was rather rude of me to say.”

“El… it’s all right. Relax, yeah?”

She pulls at her own gloves and sets them down on the counter beside her, “I just mean that I’m so used to such extravagance when it comes to the holidays. I’m excited to know what it’s like to just be … _normal_ for once.”

Byleth crosses her arms over her chest and just smiles at her, “I know what you mean. You can stop explaining yourself now.”

“All right.” Edelgard fiddles with her hands, perhaps somewhat still embarrassed from her gaff from early. She walks over to where Byleth is, past the fireplace, and presses her hands against the glass sliding doors leading out into the backyard, “…You said your parents are going to come up in about three days, right? Your brother … and Claude, too?”

“Yeah.” Byleth answers as she walks up beside Edelgard, “We should probably help get the house ready for them and whatnot. Go down to town and get whatever remains of a Christmas tree down there. Should be plenty though… not too many people up this way to begin with.”

“A tree…” Edelgard muses to herself, “Are we going to decorate it ourselves?”

“Why wouldn’t we?” Byleth asks her innocently.

Edelgard just chuckles. _Oh_. There’s so much her girlfriend doesn’t know and understand about her life _does_ she? Edelgard turns away from her and looks back out toward the snowy landscape that stretches out toward the horizon, “I haven’t decorated a tree in years… usually the help just does it.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Edelgard remarks as she starts to shrug off her jacket now. The cabin was starting to feel a little warmer. She gently lays it over the arm of a couch nearby and sits down in the plush, inviting piece of furniture. Comfy, _lived_ in. She drapes her hands over her lap and looks up at Byleth, “We’ve always had people do those sorts of things for us… my family and I, that is. When I was younger, the maids used to help me climb the ladder to put the star on top while my mother and father watched from below…”

“Sounds like something out of a Disney film.” Byleth grins, “What else?”

“Well, my mother passed when I was young. I don’t think I ever told you, but she had the same health problems I… suffer from now.” Edelgard’s eyes glaze over slightly at the thought of the past, “And then my father…”

Byleth shakes her head, trying to divert the mood from turning somber. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about that now if you don’t want to, Edelgard.”

Edelgard fists her hands in the fabric of her skirt and nods her head, “Regardless. Since then, Hubert _insists_ that we get a tree every year to keep with tradition. Most years I don’t even notice it to be honest.”

“Hubert…” Byleth remarks as she walks over to the couch to sit down with Edelgard, “He’s been around for a long time, hasn't he?”

“Since we were children. His father used to be in service of my own.” Edelgard nods her head; “He’s stayed by my side ever since then.”

“Lifelong friends, huh?” Byleth murmurs to herself as she leans back in the couch.

Her thoughts slowly harken back to Hubert and his _choice_ words for Byleth when she had arrived to pick Edelgard up that morning— _You’d best treat her with the utmost respect. She isn’t used to your type of ..._ ** _interactions_**. _If I hear_ ** _any_** _inkling of you upsetting her, well, I’ll let you use your imagination for what type of retribution that will likely incur,_ ** _Byleth_** _._ Byleth’s eyes hazily move in Edelgard’s direction, as the other woman beside her on the couch watches the snow falling gently to the ground. That man, she _knew_ he was devoted to Edelgard. But… what did he mean by Edelgard not being used to their type of …interactions?

Edelgard gets off the couch after a little while and walks back over to the glass doors. She leans forward, huffs on the glass and watches it turn cloudy from the contrasting temperatures of outside and the warmth of her breath. Edelgard giggles to herself; this was a little childish, wasn’t it? But, being here, with Byleth, is making her feel a little giddy. She looks over her shoulder at Byleth and smiles.

“Well… what are we waiting on?” She asks, “We should go get that tree.”

“Right.” Byleth remarks as she gets off the couch, “Let me show you where we’re staying first.”

Edelgard bristles a little at that reminder— _right_. They were going to be _sharing_ a room, weren’t they? She clears her throat, tries to keep composure as Byleth waves her down a hallway and up a flight of stairs to the second level of the cabin. First door on the left, she pushes it open and gestures for Edelgard to enter first.

“This is my room.” Byleth says as she flicks on the overhead light, as Edelgard enters.

“I see…” Edelgard says as she walks into the room.

It’s large, but inviting. A window hangs over the bed with an impressive view of the mountains in the distance. Two large panels of wood loom overhead, framing the window into place. Opposite the bed is a plushy looking sitting area, a coffee table, and beyond that, an ensuite bathroom.

Edelgard glances at the bed again—queen size—perhaps big enough so that she can roll away to the comfort of _her_ side, if things get to be too much. She walks over the nightstand and leans in to look at a picture. Byleth, as a child, with a man and another equally small boy in a boat. She looks over her shoulder at Byleth as she comes up behind her.

“That’s me, Bert, and dad.” Byleth smiles, “Fishing. As if that would surprise you.”

“So _that’s_ who started it.” Edelgard returns her smile.

“Dad’s a bit of an outdoorsy type.” Byleth gestures toward the room, “You know he’s the one that built this cabin, right?”

“ _Seriously_?” Edelgard asks.

“Yeah, he’s an architect.” Byleth remarks as she sits down on her bed, “We’ve had some upgrades and work done to the place over the years. Should have seen what it _used_ to look like when he first built it.”

“Do you have pictures?”

“Yeah. Somewhere around here. Maybe in the basement where all the holiday stuff should be.” Byleth nods her head to another picture beside it, “That one there is mom with the rest of us. She doesn’t share in the fishing love, but she’ll _cook_ just about whatever we catch.”

Edelgard’s eyes move slightly to the picture next to it. Byleth, a little older, is sitting outside in what looks to be the warmth of summer. Beside her is her twin brother, and in the background, Jeralt standing by a grill. Sitri, sandwiched in-between her two children and smiling. Edelgard notes that she has that _same_ dimple as Byleth, but on the other side of her face.

“It’s almost like she’s the third triplet.” Edelgard murmurs as she picks the picture up and hones in on Sitri.

“Mom always said I stole her other dimple.” Byleth gets to her feet and dusts off her pants, “Anyway, that’s enough reminiscing for now. You ready to go get that tree? It’s getting kind of late and we need to get some food for the place as well…”

“Right, right.” Edelgard sets the picture down and turns to look at Byleth, “I’m ready.”

“Right.” Byleth grins, pauses for a minute and then leans down to give Edelgard a quick kiss on the lips. When she pulls back, smiling, that lone dimple is there, “El, just so you know… I’m really happy you decided to come.”

Edelgard smiles softly as well, “I am, too… I’m looking forward to actually celebrating the holidays…” _…With something that feels like a family again—_ is what she doesn’t say.

“Good.” Byleth grabs her hand and pulls her along, “Now let’s get going. That snow looks like it isn’t stopping anytime soon and I don’t need my car getting stuck out there on these poorly paved, mountainous roads.”

—

Byleth pauses in her stoking of the wood in the fireplace and glances over at Edelgard. It’s nighttime now and everything has descended into darkness around them. Edelgard takes a sip of her hot tea and pulls the flannel blanket over her shoulders a little tighter. Byleth sets the poker back into its stand, closes the glass gate to the fireplace and gets to her feet.

“Are you cold?” Byleth asks her as she comes up behind her and wraps her arms around Edelgard’s waist. She leans in to kiss her cheek gently, “Perhaps I could warm you up a little if you are?”

Edelgard bristles slightly at their close contact, but then relaxes a little bit, “I’ve never been any good with the cold. Seems to have only gotten worse when I got sick.” She sips her tea again, “But this is fine.”

“Good.” Byleth runs her hands playfully along Edelgard’s arms in an effort to warm her up, and then pulls back, “Are you hungry? I’m thinking of making us something simple for the night. A vegetable soup with a side of that _bread_ we got from that cute little café.”

Edelgard’s stomach gurgles at the thought of that café that they had stumbled upon. The aroma of baked goods could be smelled from a mile away… and the shop owner had been so kind in their dillydallying over the perusal of her baked goods. People really _were_ different outside of the city.

She nods her head encouragingly and shuffles after Byleth in her fluffy white slippers. “We should have bought more from her, Byleth. I want some more of those macaroons.”

Byleth chuckles, “We can go back tomorrow you know? Maybe for breakfast?”

“That sounds nice.” Edelgard glances toward the entryway of the cabin as they pass it on their way to the kitchen. The tree they had purchased earlier is still lying on its side in the doorway from when Byleth had dragged it in earlier. Edelgard doesn’t want to admit that seeing her girlfriend engage in that form of manual labor had been a _bit_ of a turn on. She gestures with her mug, “Are we going to set that up tonight?”

Byleth shakes her head, “Nah, we’re gonna wait for mom and dad to get up here first. And my slow ass brother, too. He’s really never on time for anything.” She turns to look at Edelgard, “Last year he barely made it up here with Claude. Showed up halfway through dinner. The _fussing_ from my mother… it wouldn’t end.”

“Seems like your typical family.” Edelgard chuckles, pulling the flannel blanket around her shoulders a little tighter. She’s a little startled when she walks onto the kitchen floor and notices her feet growing a little warmer, “…Byleth, why is the floor warm? Is … there a fire beneath us?”

“Nah, my dad had some under the floor heating tiles installed in the kitchen a couple of years ago.” Byleth answers, “More so for mom than anyone else. That woman _never_ wears shoes. And since she’s always in here so much, figured it was something he could do.”

Even in her slippers and woolen socks, Edelgard’s feet still feel cold. _This_ was a welcome relief, “Maybe I should get something like this installed in my house. I’m _always_ cold.”

“…Is it … from your condition?” Byleth asks her, pausing before she opens the refrigerator.

“Yes.” Edelgard remarks as she wiggles her toes around in their cozy prison, “Don’t _worry_ , Byleth. Like I told you, its in remission. I haven’t really had any flair ups in quite a while to be honest.”

Byleth nods her head in silence. She should learn more though, for Edelgard’s sake. Turning her attention away from the conversation, she opens the refrigerator and begins pulling vegetables out and settling them on the counter, “Hey, El… what do you think about a side of roasted beets for dinner tonight?”

“ _Oh_. Drizzled in olive oil?” Edelgard perks up at the thought. She was a _terrible_ cook, but the girl knew what tasted good at least.

“Sure. That could work.” Byleth looks down at the dirt caked vegetables currently resting in plastic before her, “…Think you could try cleaning them?”

“ _Me_?” Edelgard sets her mug down and peers at the vegetables that they had purchased from the local produce market earlier that day, “…You’re going to trust me with that task?”

“I think you’ve gotten slightly better with your culinary skills, don’t you?”

“…Uh…” Edelgard blushes slightly at the memory of the last time they had made dinner together, “…I’m not sure if that’s true, but I appreciate the encouragement, Byleth.”

“Regardless, let’s get prepping, hm? I’m hungry and tired… and the sooner we eat, the sooner we can rest.”

Edelgard smiles, “Of course.”

—

Later in the night, the snow has finally stopped. The cabin grows warm with the aromas of a home cooked meal. Edelgard burns the beets slightly, but they’re still edible. Byleth can only chuckle as Edelgard moans appreciatively when the first bit of her vegetable soup hits her taste buds. The freshly baked bread is a wonderful compliment to the entire meal, washed down with a glass of wine for Byleth and more tea for Edelgard.

They sit in the living room again by the slowly dying fire. Byleth is going to stay up for a little while after Edelgard tells her she’s going to retire to bed. Talk to her family or something; catch up with their plans for the rest of the week. Edelgard softly kisses her goodnight and Byleth squeezes her hand in return. She’ll be upstairs in the recreation room if Edelgard needs anything.

Edelgard finds herself alone for a while, soft and silent in Byleth’s room. She takes a bath, sighs happily as the warmth washes over her and pulls the stress and tension out of her body. She’s sitting on the bed, brushing through her hair when there’s a knock on the door. Byleth pokes her head into the room when Edelgard tells her its okay for her to enter— _sorry, I need my charger for my laptop._ How considerate that she would think to knock before she entered. Byleth waves, bids her goodnight again, and then everything is quiet.

Nighttime is a strange thing in the countryside. Too quiet, too natural. Even though she lives in the suburban side of Enbarr, the city lights reach further than the sun. There’s always light pollution, noise, a cacophony of sounds disrupting the natural order. But here, in this cabin, Edelgard feels something different. Its calm, peaceful—lingering memories of a family sewn permanently together with love remaining at its seams. A somewhat somber smile comes to her face. She wishes she still had that.

Edelgard glances at the clock and then careens her head back to look at the moonlight sifting in through the window overhead. If she listens hard enough she can hear Byleth’s soft muffled voice from just beyond the second floor recreation room.

Laughter, a cheerful uptick in her tone. Edelgard smiles softly… she was nervous to meet Byleth’s family, sure. But, if they had been as reassuring and understanding as her girlfriend had been… maybe she really had nothing to fear.

Her thoughts drift for a moment as she rolls over onto her stomach and rests her chin on the pillow. Hubert had had his reservations about her coming up here—overprotective and all that. This Byleth woman… was Edelgard _sure_ she wasn’t in this relationship all for the sake of what Edelgard could offer her? She _knew_ who she was, right? So quiet and unassuming… _those_ types of people were the worst. He trusts Edelgard’s judgment, of course. But she could be naïve at times. Believing the best in people when they were only seeking her out for a clout—the weight of her family’s name.

Edelgard had assured him— _multiple times—_ that Byleth wasn’t like that. It was like she was completely oblivious when it came to the world outside of herself. Not in the self absorbed kind of way—she was just _oblivious_. And that’s what Edelgard had appreciated about her. She was just a normal woman from some blue-collar family—or so she had previously thought—with a little bit of an unhealthy fascination with … fish. _Fish_.

Edelgard chuckles to herself at the thought of that time she had gone with Byleth to look at the fish hatcheries and how Byleth’s blue eyes _lit_ up as she talked to Edelgard about her work. Edelgard could understand it, she supposes. She often felt the same way about her art… but she didn’t really have many people to talk about those things with. Dorothea would pop around and look at her latest pieces, of course. And Hubert, his discerning eye was always welcome. But, beyond that, she was alone. It was nice to have someone else in her world … someone who appreciated the things she did and didn’t ask her for beyond what she was willing to give.

Edelgard rolls back over in bed, hearing Byleth laugh again, and sighs. She was tired from the entire day… but it appeared as if sleep was currently eluding her. Another glance at the clock, she shifts in the sheets. When was Byleth even coming to bed? She had been on that video call with her mother for a while now…

…And just what was Byleth going to do when she came to bed? Would they snuggle? Cuddle up like any old regular couple? Or would things just be just as painstakingly difficult as before? Like that time Byleth had shuffled off to the couch and left Edelgard to sleep alone in her bed, back at Byleth’s loft? She bites at her lip, runs her hand along her stomach in contemplation. Or … would tonight finally go in some other way? The warmth of a cabin on a cold winter’s night—them, _alone—_ a moment that had been on both of their minds since they had started this relationship.

Edelgard chances a glance at the door at her side and closes her eyes as she chooses to think of the other option. How would they even do things? Would Byleth initiate first? How would she kiss her? Would she … where would her mouth go? Would she even indulge Edelgard enough on the first time to go down… _there?_ Would it feel like all of those trashy romance novels that Edelgard liked to _pretend_ she didn’t read?

Another loud bout of laughter from Byleth and Edelgard chances parting the band of her panties to slip her fingers inside. Her mind drifts, drumming up all the scenarios that could possibly happen while the two of them were alone in the cabin. Would it happen in the hot tub on the first level? Or in Byleth’s bed on this very night? Maybe down by the fireplace… the snow falling gently outside while the wood cracks and breaks underneath the heat and pressure of a slowly burning fire. Heat and _pressure_ , huh? Edelgard licks her lips and as she groans softly.

This is where things always get ...weird. While managing her condition has been okay over the last couple of years, she laments the damage that it’s done to her body. She’s too _young_ to be dealing with these sorts of problems. Sometimes the sensation in her hands come and go, pins and needles in her fingers and toes. And down there—where she needs it _most—_ sometimes its almost as if she can’t even feel it when she’s touching herself. Nerve damage, her doctor had told her. Were things going to just keep getting worse?

Edelgard prods a little harder, proceeding regardless. She can feel herself getting wet, but the sensations come disjointedly. Like her body can’t figure out what it’s trying to do, or what she really wants. She slides her fingers over her clit, catching a bit of relief as her thoughts trail back to Byleth. Those _breasts_. She’s felt them pressed against her own a few times now. But, what did they look like beneath that shirt of hers? Full? Perky nipples at the tips? The thought of them… the sight of them heaving before her and … Edelgard sighs, feeling that familiar stirring in the bottom of her abdomen.

Edelgard finds herself caught in the in-between, built up to halfway and unable to move beyond that. Her fingers dip a little further inside of herself, trying to fuck herself on her fingers in the way she imagines Byleth would when things _really_ got heated. The bed thumps slightly, she’s moving so hard in the sheets. Edelgard’s so distracted with fighting with herself and trying to reach some level of adequate arousal, that she doesn’t hear Byleth’s voice go silent from down the hallway. Shuffling, things being moved around, the clicking of lights being shut off.

Edelgard let’s out another breathy groan, frustration building in the back of her mind. She’s running through so many scenarios, her head is starting to hurt. Byleth taking her from behind, Byleth holding her thighs down as she devours her whole, sitting on Byleth’s face as her tongue prods her from below. But, nothing gives. She’s still hovering in this place where she’s trying to gain release, but her body just seems incapable of giving it to her. _Body_ , please, come _on_. She’s not paying attention as the sounds of Byleth’s footsteps draw closer to the room.

The door opens, and the light from the hallway slowly creeps through. Byleth’s silhouette painted over the sheets of the bed. A pause, before one singular sound that brings her back to reality.

“… _El_?”

Byleth stands in the arch of the doorway, taking in the sight before her. Edelgard, on her back, sheets pooled around her hips, with one hand in her panties and the other buried somewhere under her silk shift. Edelgard immediately halts the movement of her hand at the sudden interruption, light pouring in from the hallway, and snaps her attention toward the voice calling her name. It seems like minute’s tick by before either one of them do anything else.

Byleth is staring at the woman in her bed, finding her mouth going dry at the sight of Edelgard in such of an intimate state. Edelgard in turn, looks at her, eyes widening at the fact that Byleth caught her in the middle of masturbating—or _trying_ to—of all things. In a hurry, she pulls the sheets up over her body, turns away into the pillow, removes her hands from between her legs and tries to bury herself— _away_ from Byleth’s gaze, trying to hide her shame. Her face is _burning_.

“…El…” Byleth clears her throat as she closes the door behind her and starts walking over to the bed. The room descends into darkness again. Edelgard is still turned away from her, silent as Byleth sinks her weight down into the other side, “…It’s okay if you…”

“Please. Don’t.” Edelgard’s muffled response comes from underneath the sheets, “Just _don’t_ , Byleth.”

“…There’s…” Byleth tries again, but stops. What was she supposed to say? “El, I mean. I do it, too. It’s normal.”

“ _Byleth_.” Comes her muffled plea again.

Byleth places a gentle hand over the bundle of sheets obscuring Edelgard from view. She wasn’t going to let up, was she? It was almost like they were back home in Enbarr… with Edelgard stopping her from proceeding with a heavy make out session. Or Byleth pulling away, averting her gaze toward somewhere else. She thinks she hears a shuddery sigh come from Edelgard as she shifts again and pulls the duvet in around her a little tighter.

“…Do you want … to maybe watch me?” Byleth stupidly suggests, “Make things even?”

Edelgard’s reply is silence. Her heart is still in her throat as her breath comes out in quickened, hot spurts underneath the sheets. She can still feel the weight of Byleth’s hand on the sheets above her. Please. Just _leave_ her alone and let her go to sleep, Byleth. After a while, Byleth realizes that Edelgard isn’t going to budge. She removes her hand and pulls back, a little rejected.

“…Okay. So you don’t want to talk. I’m going to go take a shower then... get ready for bed…” Byleth rubs at her cheek, hoping that her calm and encouraging tone will let Edelgard understand that it’s _okay._ “If… you’re still up when I come back and want to talk, I’m here, El.”

Silence again. Byleth sighs as she gets to her feet and makes her way for the bathroom, leaving Edelgard behind in the room. When she hears the rush of water and the bathroom door closing, Edelgard finally pokes her head out of the sheets and takes in a gasp of air, stifled from having been under for so long. She turns her head in the direction of the bathroom, forehead furrowing with _more_ shameful thoughts. Why had she reacted in such a way when Byleth had actually _encouraged_ her to talk? _Idiot._

Edelgard closes her eyes and tightens the sheets around her when she hears the door to the bathroom open again and Byleth pace back over to the bed. The bed dips on the other side, Byleth sighs as she flops back onto her pillow. _Silence_. Edelgard can feel herself slowly falling asleep as Byleth goes still beside her, having finally reached a comfortable spot in bed.

In the last vestiges of consciousness, Edelgard thinks she feels something heavy being thrown over her waist, a voice in her ear— _It’s okay, El_ …

—

In the morning, Byleth is the first to wake. She finds herself looking at the back of Edelgard’s head, having forgotten about her cocoon of sheets she constructed to protect herself from Byleth’s touch. Byleth glances down at the woman currently pressing her backside against her and sighs. While she’s not going to discredit that her walking in on Edelgard— _touching_ herself of all things—might have been embarrassing, it wasn’t the end of the world.

Edelgard stirs slightly, careening back into the warmth of the bed and trying to figure out where exactly she is. She rolls over in bed and comes face to face with Byleth, who’s doing nothing but smiling back at her. The sun is already above the horizon, bathing everything in that sleepy and golden glow of winter’s morning light. Byleth tilts her head to the side; Edelgard lowers her gaze and turns away from her. _Ah_ , so they weren’t back to normal just yet.

“I’m sorry about last night.” Byleth murmurs from behind her. 

“You walked in on me. You didn’t know.” Edelgard replies, not turning around to face her.

“It doesn’t excuse …” Byleth stops herself, “Edelgard, that’s not the point.”

Edelgard sighs as she rolls over to look at Byleth. _I didn’t want the first time you see me to be like … that_. Those are the thoughts on her mind, but she doesn’t know if now is the right time to say them. She instead draws the sheets up over her shoulders and grasps Byleth’s hands within her own.

“Then what _is_ the point, Byleth?” Edelgard asks her, “I asked you to drop it last night, yet you still keep bringing it up. _Stop_ apologizing already. I shouldn’t have been doing that in the first place, I…”

Byleth brings one of Edelgard’s hands up to her lips and kisses it, “I should have knocked again. I know…” She looks away from her, a faint blush crossing her face, “…I know you’ve been— _we’ve been—_ avoiding this … kind of thing for a while now, haven’t we?”

“Not now.” Edelgard states, with some finality in her tone, “I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”

“Get breakfast first?” Byleth suggests, “…Then maybe we can talk about things?”

Edelgard is pulling her hand away from her, rubs it self-consciously and pushes herself away from Byleth. Distance in both physicality and in mind. She pushes herself into a sitting position, pulls the sheets around her a little tighter, as she turns to look at Byleth over her shoulder, “I’m … going to go take a shower. We’ll decide what we’ll do when I come back.”

Byleth silently nods her head as she watches Edelgard waltz across the room in her night-robe and shuts the door to the bathroom behind her. She flops back onto the pillows of the bed, resting her forearm on the top of her head and just _sighs_. Well.

Guess this was the start of things, huh?

—

Things are awkward again.

They’re _always_ awkward.

Edelgard is quiet through breakfast. They go back to that little café she was so excited to check out again. She barely finishes her chocolate croissant and jasmine tea by time they leave. Byleth tries to hold her hand but Edelgard keeps them folded in front of her, not making eye contact and keeping her mind occupied with other things. Byleth doesn’t want to push, but she’s getting a _little_ tired of the silent treatment. She _said_ she was sorry, hadn’t she?

They’re sitting in Byleth’s car, on the way to the supermarket again to pick up a few things for lunch and dinner for that night. Edelgard is occupying her time by staring out the window and hiding her face behind her scarf. Byleth’s patience is starting to wear a little thin.

Byleth calls to her, tries to keep the maladies out of her voice, sweet and gentle—El.

Silence again, as if she’s pretending that she’s not there. The next time, a little stronger with more bass in her tone—Byleth finally snaps, as she turns to look at the other woman in the car. This catches Edelgard’s attention, because those usually sweet lavender eyes are looking right back at her. But… they’re not angry? What _was_ that?

Edelgard is restrained in her response. Her voice is shaky and she doesn’t like the frustration she hears in Byleth’s tone. Clutching, clenching, her hands scratch under one another as she tries to calm herself. She knows this is angering the other woman, even if she’s been _so_ patient all damn morning. Why can’t say it? Why can’t she tell Byleth what the _real_ issue of the matter is?

For Edelgard—You saw me. When I was vulnerable. And I didn’t want the first time you saw me in such a state to be like _that_. When I was supposed to be alone. Solo. Exploring a world that I don’t want to let you into just yet. I’m afraid… I’m afraid to let you in because I don’t know what that’s like or what I’m supposed to do. This is new for me, don’t you understand? I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t want to mess it up… I’m so starved for the touch of another that I don’t—

_Edel. Gard._

Byleth, again, her patience nearing the end of its rope. Edelgard screws her eyes shut, balls her fists up. The words come out, she imagines, like branches unfurling into newfound spring. Byleth’s foot slams on the breaks before they go careening into oncoming traffic.

_I’m a virgin._

It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. Does it matter?

Back at the cabin again. Edelgard had been locked up in Byleth’s room for… about two hours now. Knocks on the door from Byleth, gently coaxing— _El, please come out._ Her heart is starting to hurt from all of the theatrics of the day. But, no. Again, silence. Always this damn _silence._ She’s never been like this before and Byleth doesn’t understand it at all.

She tries to remember what she knows about Edelgard. Heiress, artist, alone in that big old mansion with her only confidant being … Hubert. Family, _gone_. She thinks Edelgard mentioned another friend at one point—a Dorothea. Sounds like a girl? At least, Byleth thinks she is. Then there was that sickness that halted any form of normal human interaction during crucial formative years. Just how long was she in that damn hospital for? Byleth massages her forehead and lets her hand slide from her head with a heavy arm. She thought she was being gentle, nonintrusive. Maybe she was going about this the wrong way?

So… Edelgard had perhaps _lied_ about some things. Not that Byleth was completely innocent in that respect either. Maybe it was time for her to come clean about her own deceit in this little miscommunication the two of them were currently having. Byleth lets her head knock against the cool wood of her bedroom door, opens her mouth and stutters out her own confession for the night.

_I’ve never been with a girl._

Soft shuffling. Silence. The thumping of feet walking across the bedroom door and red eyes peering out from behind the safety of that previously locked door. Cobalt meets wisteria and the room feels heavy, weighted down by the truth finally coming to light. Byleth shrugs her shoulders as Edelgard looks her up in down, trying to find meaning in those words.

This is new for me, too.

—

It’s late into the evening, and the sky has already settled into its usual shade of black, as nighttime always comes too early during the winter. It’s snowing again, harder than before. The forecast said something about a heavy storm coming their way… Byleth should probably check in with her parents to see if they were still on track for their excursion up north.

However, there are more important things to tend to right now. Like the little brunette sitting at her side, wrapped up in a flannel blanket, trying to warm her toes by the fire. She watches Edelgard stare into her mug of hot chocolate, calm and quiet. Byleth can feel the heaviness still lingering in the air. Which one of them would broach an explanation for their pack of lies first?

“Byleth…” Edelgard finally begins, listening to the howling wind outside. She lowers her gaze to the fire crackling in front of them, “…How many people have you been with?”

“Three.” Byleth answers her as she turns to look at Edelgard, “…All men.” She adds as an afterthought. As if Edelgard hadn’t already figured that out.

“And how old were you when you…”

“Eighteen? Nineteen?” Byleth questions herself, “…It wasn’t anything special. Hurt, to be quite honest. That relationship lasted maybe… five or six months? …Then I moved on to the next one about a year later… last one lasted about a year before we broke up. You know about that one, though.”

“…What do you mean by _hurt_?” Edelgard questions her. She had heard stories about that whole … process. Breaking things down there— _popping the cherry_. She frowns to herself at the crude wording and shakes the thoughts from her mind, “Does it … _always_ hurt?”

Byleth is about to shake her head, but then her eyebrows furrow, as she seems at conflict with her thoughts, “Yes… and no. Just, first time things always hurt, I suppose. If you don’t have a gentle partner… I suppose those things hurt, too.”

Those words cause Edelgard to worry as she leans forward and places a hand over Byleth’s own, “Byleth... none of your boyfriends ever… ”

“El, it’s not like that. I just...” Byleth rubs at her arm in a self-conscious manner, “If I couldn’t be my true self, what did it matter? I didn’t deserve to be loved in my full capacity, did I?”

“Byleth.” Edelgard’s eyes narrow, “Be honest with me here. That’s what this talk is supposed to be about.”

“It’s just… boundary things, El. Telling someone one thing and them doing the other no matter how many times you’ve asked them to _stop_ doing that thing.” Byleth answers, “His lack of care extended beyond the bedroom. I’d ask things of him that I _thought_ were simple for when you loved someone… and he just never seemed to want to do any of it.”

Edelgard lowers her gaze. She hopes _she_ will never make Byleth feel in such a way. “Things like what?”

“I don’t know… romantic gestures, celebrations? Simple outings with one another? It always felt like he was admonishing me for just wanting to enjoy the _little_ things with him.” Byleth replies, feeling a little exposed right now. “I mean, it wasn’t all bad. We had good conversations from time to time … and I enjoyed his company. But, there was this chip on his shoulder that I couldn’t fix—I didn’t really _want_ to fix it, per se—but I wanted to be there to help in some way. Alleviate his hatred of the world, so to speak?”

“I think it’s noble of you to give so much of yourself to a person, and for them to treat you in such a way, and yet… you don’t hate them.” Edelgard murmurs.

“What good would that do?” Byleth asks as she leans in a little closer to Edelgard, “We don’t talk anymore. The relationship ended. He’s not in my life anymore—I have _you_.”

“I know.” Edelgard replies, “…And you’re _sure_ it wasn’t abusive in any way, Byleth?”

Byleth shakes her head again, “I’ve had time to think about it… view it differently on different days. It doesn’t matter if it was abusive or not. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just going to let it go. It’s in the past, El. I can’t do anything to take it back… and what good would focusing on it do for me here and now?”

“If you’re sure… but if you ever want to talk about it, I hope you know I’m here.”

“Thanks, for that.” Byleth pulls her knees up to her chest, “And… now that we’re done with that. Let’s talk about _you_ , Edelgard.”

“I suppose we should.” She reaches down for her mug of hot chocolate and holds it in her hands, “I …I’ve never had sex. Never even had an orgasm either, if I’m being completely honest.” She shakes her head as she fiddles with the edge of her dress, “I’m still, you know...”

“A virgin.” Byleth says, a soft smile coming to her face, “El, there’s nothing wrong with that. Plenty of people well into their twenties, thirties—hell, _forties—_ who’ve never slept with another person.” 

Edelgard looks at her, “It’s just that… I was so sick so many years ago and I’ve really never been able to… you _know._ My sense of sensation has somewhat diminished. And the medication I have to take… it makes things harder as well.”

“That’s okay, too.” Byleth leans in a little closer and drapes an arm over her shoulder, “We can work on that.”

Edelgard brings her mug to her lips, a thought on her mind. What if she _never_ got that far? Byleth takes in her silence and decides to steer the conversation back in her direction.

“I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman.” Byleth admits, leaning in to kiss her on the temple, “You’re the first.”

Edelgard snorts into her mug, “Are you serious, Byleth?”

“I felt something for this girl when I was younger.” Byleth admits, “But I got all these ideas in my head… it made my heart feel too … _full,_ you know? I tried to stop the urges or whatever and things ended up a mess. But, with you, El… I … _fuck.”_

“Always a struggle, isn’t it?” Edelgard asks her, “I hated myself when I was younger. I’ve never liked men. Always thought them to be too loud and abrasive. Too _demanding_. My father was always trying to set me up with the sons of his friends when I was younger—he even suggested _Hubert_ at one time.”

Byleth chuckles at that, “ _Hubert_? He’s like… family to you, isn’t he?”

“I know. _Gross_.” Edelgard laughs at the thought as well, “Besides, he has his _own_ special someone to spend the holidays with. A man… flaming red hair. I think his name sounds oddly pompous and European. I don’t know.”

“Everyone _really_ is just gay, aren’t they?”

“Or like attracts like.”

“I suppose so.” Byleth nudges her a little, “I’m sorry, we got off topic here. Please, continue.”

“You were talking about your own issues with your same sex attraction.” Edelgard reminds her.

“Yeah, guess I was…” Byleth scratches her head, “I’ve kissed girls here and there. But, I never could get over my own personal hang-ups about being with one. Girls… girls always made me feel… vulnerable in a way that I could never really handle.”

“And yet, you’re with me.”

“Yeah, well, you’re _different_.” Byleth says, “Gentle. You don’t press. You don’t push either. I would always get to this point when I was trying to date other women that always had me clam up. Things were so … _emotional_. And I wasn’t really ready for that level of commitment.”

“And you are… now?” Edelgard asks her, perhaps a little worried by the confessions coming from Byleth’s mouth.

“I guess maybe I just had to get a little older to be able to tolerate it?” Byleth wonders aloud, “I don’t know. My brother is gay, so I don’t think it was an issue with my family. …Well, maybe a little bit. I’ve always been a bit more… into filial piety, if you will, than my brother was. Even though my parents really aren’t the type to care about that kind of stuff. They just want us to be happy at the end of the day.”

“I feel like the pressure is unspoken most times.” Edelgard says, “You don’t want them to be disappointed. Even if that disappointment is all in your head.”

“Yeah, something like that. Did you ever feel that way with your father? I know you said your mother passed when you were young…”

“Always.” Edelgard replies, “He always chalked it up to me being a wallflower—I just wasn’t _ready_ to have a boyfriend or whatever nonsense. But, then I got sick… and I had to spend all that time in and out of hospitals. So, then it wasn’t an issue anymore.”

“What about after that?”

“I think he wanted me to just relax in the time after that.” Edelgard replies, “I only really had about a year with him before he passed on as well… sometimes I feel guilty that I never really told him the truth.”

“Do you think he knew?” Byleth asks her, noticing Edelgard shiver slightly. She shifts the blanket covering her a little so that it covers more of Edelgard’s shoulder.

“Don’t all parents?” Edelgard pulls at the blanket and moves a little closer to Byleth’s embrace, “Either way. It’s just me now and … I’m pretty much at liberty to do what I want. I don’t focus on his old business matters; I’m not interested in any of that. Hubert looks after that nonsense.”

“You just sit in your big ole house all day making pretty pictures of people.” Byleth chuckles.

“Yeah. I guess I do.” 

The fire crackles steadily in front of them as they go quiet again. The wind howls again, sending soft cascading flurries against the glass panes of the cabin windows. Edelgard sips at her hot chocolate and leans in to Byleth’s shoulder. Even if things had been weird and messy last night, this moment was _nice_. Just the two of them—talking—with no one to interrupt them or distractions of any sort. 

“Edelgard.” Byleth interrupts the silence and looks down at her, “…Would you like… to try? It’s just the two of us now, and…”

Edelgard feels her heartbeat quicken as she looks away from Byleth, “I… I…”

“I won’t rush you if you’re not ready.” Byleth gives her a soft squeeze, “You can tell me no and I won’t be offended, you know?”

“It’s not that… I’m just…”

Edelgard can feel the heat crawling across her face. She doesn’t know what to _do._ Doesn’t know what feels good. Doesn’t know what to tell Byleth about what she should do in regards to her own body. She doesn’t even _know_ her body and what it likes. What it doesn’t. She sets her mug down to the side and folds her hands in her lap. Byleth’s offer still hangs in the air, waiting to be accepted, or cut down at any moment.

“Edelgard?”

“I … _want_ to do it, but I…”

A kiss, pressed to the side of her cheek, “El, I’ll be gentle with you. You know that, right?”

“I know.” More red, flushed on her cheeks.

“And we can stop. Anytime.”

“I _know_ , Byleth.” Edelgard feels as if her nails are going to tear a hole into the fabric of her knit sweater. She looks up at Byleth, catching the earnest look in her eyes by the light of the fire. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she clears her throat, “What… should I do?”

Byleth’s voice lowers in register as she reaches her arm around her shoulders and pulls Edelgard a little closer. She tilts her chin up toward her as she moves closer to Edelgard’s face. A soft murmur, “ _Come’er_ …”

Byleth kisses her first, slow pecks across her lips as she feels Edelgard’s shoulders drop a little in response. Tilts her head to the side, Edelgard seems to follow her lead. Even if Byleth had _no_ idea what she was doing with this right now, she had the sexual experience that Edelgard lacked. And that would count for at least _something_ in this moment.

Edelgard is starting to feel a little awkward again as her mind starts wandering. What is she … supposed to do exactly? Just let Byleth kiss her like this? She _does_ like when she does that. Soft lips pressed on hers, never too much pressure, sometimes a tiny slip of that mischievous tongue when Byleth allowed it. Byleth pulls on her lower lip, gently pries her mouth open for access and Edelgard feels herself being slightly pushed up against the sofa that's behind them. With a sharp inhale of breath, Byleth pulls away from her and strokes her cheek.

“…Is there anywhere you don’t like to be touched?” She asks, her voice in that same low register from before, “Sensitive spots I should know about? Places that are off limits?”

“Uhm…” Edelgard lowers her gaze as that thumb still continues to stroke her cheek in a loving manner, “…I’m … ticklish on my upper back.”

Byleth laughs gently at her candidness, “That’s… not what I’m talking about, El. But, I’ll keep that in mind.” She looks over her shoulder at the space behind them, “Perhaps we should move somewhere more comfortable.”

“Oh… okay.”

Edelgard moves around her and crawls a little further into the open space beside the fireplace. How cliché. Her proposed first time by a _fireplace_. Byleth is pulling pillows off of the sofa now and tossing them over in Edelgard’s direction, trying to make a makeshift bed on the floor. She sprawls the thick flannel blanket currently draped over her shoulders onto the floor and gestures for Edelgard to make herself comfortable. Comfortable… _right_.

As Byleth comes back around, she pushes her gently down into the poof of the pillows underneath them and bites at her lower lip, “El, I don’t know… what to do exactly.”

“Well, I don’t know what I _like_ exactly.”

“So, I guess we’ll just figure this out together then.”

Edelgard nods, links her arms around Byleth’s neck and pulls her down as those lips start peppering kisses alongside her neck. It almost brings her back to that time Byleth had pinned her into the sheets of her bed and gave her a damn _hickey_ of all things. That had been too much—she had pushed at Byleth’s shoulders, panting, telling her to _wait_. She wasn’t ready. It was too soon. This was _also_ too soon.

“Why did you lie to me?” Edelgard asks her, the question giving Byleth pause.

Byleth pulls away from her, hovering slightly, “…El, I thought we talked about this.”

“There must be some other reason.” Edelgard responds, her eyes searching Byleth’s face for some type of answer, “…This isn’t … you didn’t do this just so you could get _close_ to me, did you?”

Byleth balks at her question, “Are you serious right now?”

Edelgard pushes Byleth up off her, her mood changing in an instant. “Yes. …I am.” She turns to look at her, “I can understand my own lies. Being embarrassed that I’m so touch starved that the first chance I get that someone might want to _do_ that for me, I tell them a lie. …But for you to lie about never being with another woman… surely there must be more to it than that.”

“El, I just _told_ you why I did it.”

“Yes, but you said that was in the past.” Edelgard folds her arms over her chest, “If you were over it, you wouldn’t have lied to me to begin with.”

“Edelgard.”

“No.” Edelgard has changed her mind about things now, “ _No_ , I don’t want to do this. You don’t get to _touch_ me like this tonight when I now have doubts about how you…” She gets to her feet, brushes off her skirt and picks up her forgotten mug of hot chocolate, “I want to go to bed.”

“ _Edelgard_.” Byleth tries again as she gets to her feet now and follows after her incorrigible girlfriend, “What more can I _say_ to you? Shouldn’t I be angry, too? I don’t care about you being a virgin, fuck that superficial mess. But need I remind you that you lied about me being your first relationship.”

“With good _reason_.” Edelgard snaps, her voice rising slightly, “Do you know what its like to live the life I’ve had? Always guarded, always trying to protect yourself from vultures who want to take you for all you’re worth? I saw something _different_ in you, Byleth. But, now, I’m not so sure.” …Maybe Hubert _was_ right.

“Edelgard, when have I _ever_ shown any inclination that I only want you for your money? Please. _Tell_ me.” Byleth replies, matching Edelgard’s tone.

“I don’t know. I don’t care right now.” She closes her eyes, forcing down the emotion she feels building in the bridge of her nose. Had she made a mistake? _Again_? She didn’t want to think so… not with Byleth. _Please_. Not with Byleth. She turns to look at the other woman on the other side of the kitchen, “I’m going to bed. But not with you tonight. I need time to think.”

“As if I _don’t_?” Byleth asks her in disbelief, “Fine. _Whatever_. Go to bed. But we’re going to _talk_ in the morning. And you’re not going to shut me out this time.”

Edelgard narrows her eyes as she walks near Byleth, “I could say the same of you.” And makes her way out of the kitchen, through the living room and upstairs to whatever vacant bedroom she was going to sleep in for the night.

Byleth looks to the ceiling, blue eyes weary—in confusion and exhaustion—wondering just _how_ in the world things had changed so suddenly when Edelgard was just beginning to relax. Had she pushed her too far tonight? What about her _own_ feelings regarding the situation? _Vulnerability._ The word bubbles to the front of her mind as she flicks her fingers over the light switch for the kitchen and makes her way over to the fireplace to put it out for the night. Her eyes linger on the pillows and discarded blanket on the floor. Maybe … this wasn’t the right way to go about things.

The embers die down, the wind continues to howl and Byleth can only sigh in discontent. She makes her way for the staircase and ascends, ready to sleep alone in her bed for the night. Edelgard’s voice is coming from behind the door of her brother’s room, words like— _Dorothea, would you listen to me—_ and— _no, it’s not going well at all right now—_ only clench her heart and seek to ring her dry.

Byleth settles into her bed for the night, staring at the ceiling in a room that feels oddly distant right now. She glances to the side of the bed that Edelgard had occupied just the night before and pulls the sheets over her head, obscuring everything from view. In the morning, she would call Claude. Maybe talk to someone outside of the situation. Sure, he was an idiot sometimes, but he was _right_ most of the time.

He would probably tell her that she should tell Edelgard the whole story. When the dust had settled, when they weren’t so angry over the fact that they had _both_ been idiots who should have just told the truth from the start. But when you want something—and you want it _bad—_ sometimes that want obfuscated things. Byleth closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and exhales. The window above her shakes slightly as a gust of wind blows against it.She feels like punching something, or maybe crying. She doesn’t know. There’s a buildup of emotion inside of her chest and she doesn’t like it.

She wants it _out_.


	3. Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm. Four… four parts? Aha.
> 
> Next one will end things for sure. Not that I’m complaining about writing nauseating fluff for once. I think I lost a tooth in the process.
> 
> Ah, but, heads up for this chapter. Might be some triggering language/situations in regards to abusive relationships. Just a warning, as always.

Sometimes, a relationship you should have had in your teenage years comes to you in your twenties. And you feel as though should know certain things by now, being an adult and all. But, experience is subjective. As one traverses through life, you will come to learn that not all commonality is shared as society deems it to be.

Knowledge, it seems, is only for those that seek it. And those that lack it are shunned, ruled as unfit. But what of those that never got a chance to seek out that experience? Why is it their fault that they don’t know things that others consider to be common knowledge? Shouldn’t they have a chance—no matter the age or the circumstances—to learn what is considered _important,_ too?

Sometimes Byleth wonders if she’s among those who are lacking said knowledge.

Of course, her experiences in life have been typical. Her parents, her brother, growing up in a stable environment, afforded a normal and somewhat boring life when she looks at it in comparison to others. Friends, typical adult experiences, she can’t say that she’s had too much hardship in her life.

Perhaps her main strife has come from her inability to flourish in her relationships. That girl from her late adolescence who tried to pull more out of her than she was willing to give. She buried herself in the opposite sex, willing herself to be normal. To follow the blatant path of life’s journey. Find the right guy, get married, secure a good job, maybe pop out a kid or two to make her family happy. What about her own happiness? Self-sacrificing is what people had always called her and she never understood why. But now, with Edelgard, perhaps some light was being shed on that moniker.

She thinks back to the conversation with Edelgard from earlier that night by the fire. _That relationship…_ _it wasn’t abusive, was it, Byleth?_ Byleth clutches the pillow under her head and buries her face into the fabric. No, it was a _normal_ relationship. Just like all her other relationships. Men were just _like_ that. They _always_ treated women like that. It was in their nature after all. She’s never put a name to what happened to her in that relationship and she doesn’t want to. Because, then that makes things real. Just as real as what was happening with Edelgard right now.

She closes her eyes and let’s her thoughts drift back to the past. All those women who called her _cute_ or _attractive_ and the tinges of something more stirring within her heart. She’s never felt that with another man. Sure, she was attracted to her boyfriends, the men that would take her out on dates in the interim. But, that last relationship. What a confusing mess that had been. _Had_ she loved him? Or was she forcing herself to feel something more? Was she lying to herself that she had feelings for this man that were never there? Driving herself crazy to _push_ , to break herself open and expose that bleeding, soppy core of her too human heart. She laid herself bare… and what had it gotten her? What had it _always_ gotten her?

Sometimes Byleth wishes she could go back to being a teenager again. To remember the first blush that turned her skin crimson when that _girl_ looked at her in such a way, her heart went fluttering into her throat. She wishes she could remember the feelings that hollowed out her core, bowed her in half and left her gasping on the floor of her bedroom— _Do I love her? I can’t love her. Girls… don’t love one another. That’s stupid._

But, where did these thoughts come from? Her parents had never spoken ill of the queer community. When her brother had come out at the age of seventeen, they had passed it off like it was nothing. So _what_ if they had a gay son? The world would continue turning and they would proceed as they had normally. But, Byleth… Byleth just couldn’t get on board with her own feelings regarding the matter. It didn’t matter if other people felt that way—it mattered if _she_ did though.

The vulnerability of it all… she couldn’t deal with it.

There it was again. That _word_. Vulnerable.

Edelgard makes you feel _vulnerable_. And you don’t know what to do with these feelings because you’ve always tried to keep them at bay. Even with her last relationship, she had never felt something like this. That was different. Another man, another name. Another person to give her body to, someone who left her feeling ashamed. And she held onto it, pulling tightly against the rope—a ship leading her into the darkness. An abyss that she fell through willingly, all for what she thought was _love_.

With her heart in her throat, stomach churning and palms feeling dry, Byleth sits up in bed and turns to look at the old alarm clock at her side. She can’t sleep while the wind howling a deathly cry outside, blanketing the entire world around them in pristine, white snow. Somehow, the cabin lacks the pervious atmosphere that she remembers … memories sullied by her inability to just be _vulnerable._

Pulling her phone into view, the display illuminates her face. It’s 2:30AM. Was Claude even awake? She needs to talk to someone and he’s the only person that comes to mind in this instance. She hits his number, waits for the line to click and his voice to sooth her out of her neurosis like it always does.

Sleep laden, yet somewhat awake—“Byleth. What the _hell_?”

“I’m sorry … to call you so late.” Byleth murmurs into the receiver, trying to keep her voice low, out of worry that Edelgard might still be awake as well, “…But I had to talk to someone.”

He murmurs something sleepily on the other end— _B, get up for a minute will, ya?—_ and yawns. She can hear thumping on his end, something like a door closing. “…Byleth. It’s like… two in the morning. What in the world are you calling me for?”

“Things with El…” Byleth begins, biting at her lip, “…Are kind of… not going so great right now.”

 _Oh_. Lesbian drama. Claude tries to stifle another yawn, his tired voice, mumbling, “What the matter? Someone packed up the U-Haul too soon? One of you got scared?”

“Very _funny_ , Claude.” Byleth deadpans, “No. Some stuff kind of happened tonight… and …”

“…And?” Claude asks her, “Please. Keep me in suspense while disturbing my sleep, By.”

“Right, right.” Byleth runs a hand over her face and sighs, “It seems as if … neither of us were being entirely truthful when we got into this relationship to begin with.”

“And that means?”

“Well. I … wasn’t completely truthful when I told her certain things about my past. And she wasn’t either.”

“Please do elaborate, Byleth. I love playing guessing games in the middle of the night.”

She huffs into the phone. _Really_. It’s Claude who should be getting annoyed right now. “I didn’t really tell her that I’ve never been with another woman. You know, in the Biblical sense.”

“Ah.” Claude’s singular response, “Go on.”

“And she … she’s never really…” Byleth bites her lip. That was _private_ stuff about, El. How could she phrase this in a way that Claude would understand and not really know what was going on at the same time? She continues, “…She’s got some stuff too, going on. Nothing bad. It just complicates things a little.”

“ _Well_ , then.” Claude clears his throat. She can hear noise on the other end—sounds like a refrigerator door opening, “That’s a great way to start a new relationship, By. Thought we’d taken some old lessons from your last one into this one, yeah?”

“ _Claude_.” Now isn’t the time for lecturing. It really isn’t.

Claude continues, “Did you apologize at least?”

“I did.” Byleth sits up in bed now, leans over to turn on the lamp beside her, “But… she told me she doesn’t trust me. Had to _think_ about things. Whatever that means.”

“I mean… have you considered where she’s coming from?” Claude asks her, “From what you’ve told me about— _El—_ she doesn’t sound like she’s had too much experience with human interaction in her life. I mean, you said she was sick with something for a while, wasn’t she? Doesn’t really get out of the house much? No family? That sort of thing.”

“Yeah…” Byleth crosses her free arm over her chest, “…But I don’t care about all of that.”

“Yeah. But _she_ probably does. You’ve probably got a wealth of experience over her that scares her to some degree. Even if you haven’t licked the cooter so to speak.”

“Classy.”

“I try.”

“Either way, Claude, I… I feel terrible for lying. Probably messed things up with her for a bit… maybe for a while. But, this is new for me too.”

“Yeah, but … you’ve still got that advantage over her. Don’t you remember what it was like when you first _did_ things with other people? Sex aside, I mean. You’re in your first relationship with another woman. That’s bound to stir up some old baggage from the past, you know?”

“You’re talking about Shamir.”

“Yeah. _Her_. That special little lady friend of yours that you pushed away because you just weren’t ready for it.” He pauses for a minute, sounds like he’s stuffing something into his mouth, “What were you? Fifteen? Sixteen?”

“Sixteen.” Byleth corrects him, “And you know how stupid those years are.”

“Yeah, but they’re still important. Building blocks for shit to come later in life.” He swallows, “And … you’ve never really acknowledged your attraction to other women beyond that if I’m right.”

Perhaps he was right on that one. “I mean… I’ve kissed other girls.”

“We’re talking about a _relationship_ here, Byleth.” Claude interjects, “Completely different from having some girl grope your tits in the middle of a taxi cab at night while she slobbers on your face.”

“Girls don’t slobber. _Men_ do.”

“Ouch. My _man_ pride. I’ll have to ask your brother if he thinks I slobber on him the next time I kiss him.”

“Gross. I don’t want to know about what you do with my twin _brother_ of all things.”

Claude chuckles, continues on, “Either way. You should share that with her. Let her know why things are so hard for you now. Maybe divulge a bit about your past with men if you’re up for it.”

“I mean… we already talked about that.”

“You mean that last bastard that B and I were going to kill?” Claude asks her, “Need I remind you what _happened_ on the night that you two broke up, Byleth?”

Byleth goes silent for a minute. No, she tries not to. An argument of some kind— _him_ blocking the door and preventing her from leaving. A phone call to her brother, threats, sobbing. Her memory is blank in certain spots. She just remembers going to stay with her parents for a while… moving to a new place and cutting off all communication with _him._ She … doesn’t want to remember that. Things are different now… _very_ different now.

“I try not to.” She says after a minute or two. _I don’t worry about those things with Edelgard._

“Regardless.” Claude bites into something again, his mouth semi-full, “Perhaps sharing that will give her an inkling as to _why_ you’re so closed off at times. Closed off… maybe that’s not the right word. Silent? Reserved? …That shit you went through does stuff to people even when they don’t want to admit it.”

“I’m not discounting that…”

“…And even if you don’t think it’s affecting your relationship with Edelgard right now, it’s still something you deal with in regards to your interactions with other people. Putting your gay panic aside—cause _that’s_ what it is—you’re inability to be vulnerable with her right now is what’s really wrecking havoc on things.”

“I suppose you’re right in that regard.” Byleth is loathe to admit, “…She’s different though, Claude. Sweet, kind… _gentle_. Sure, I know she’ll never let anyone fuck with her—I’ve seen her temperamental side—but it’s not like it was. She’s just… I hate to use this word, but _… pure_?”

“Gross.” Claude laughs, “You talk about her like she’s some type of virginal being.”

Byleth feels her heart catch in her throat and swallows past the lump forming there. _Claude_. Always on the fucking money. She clears her throat and continues, “I just… don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose her over this. And I hate to think that I upset her in this capacity because of some stupid little white lie. What do I _do_?”

“ _Talk to her_.” Claude replies, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. …Which it is. “Tell her what you’re telling me right now. Admit to her that you’re afraid of feeling vulnerable. Not just with her—but with _any_ woman. Don’t skirt the issue and give her fluff. Go for the jugular. _Attack_ , Byleth.”

“This isn’t some type of battle.”

“It kind of is… in a way.” Claude muses, “Either way. I think you’ve already figured out the root of _your_ problem. Now it’s just time to talk to her and clear the air and then you two can… you know. Get to the loving I know you so desperately want.”

“Shut _up_.” Byleth massages her face with her hand, “But, yeah. You’re right. I will. I’ll talk to her about it in the morning.”

“ _Great_.” Claude says, “Now if you don’t mind, I’m going back to sleep. Been wonderful talking to you about your relationship issues—you know, _again—_ but I’m beat. And I gotta see if we’re still going to be able to make it up there in another day or so come morning.”

“Yeah… I saw the forecast. Snowstorm on the way. Of course.”

“Of _course_.” Claude chuckles, “At least we’ll have an excuse this time for being so late.”

“You’re an idiot.” Byleth sighs, “Either way. Thanks, Claude. …I think I can sleep better now after talking about this a little more…”

“Always here to help, By. Who would I be if I didn’t?” Dishes are clattering on his side of the line, “Night, then. Make sure to kiss and make up with your little lady in the morning, you hear? I want to hear all about the make up sex when you—“

She ends the call before he can even get the words out.

Byleth sets her phone on the nightstand, a soft smile on her face, and rolls over to reestablish herself within the warmth of the bed sheets. At the end of the day, no matter how tactless he could be at times, Claude was right. All she had to do was be _vulnerable._ Let Edelgard know about all the skeletons in the closet. Why she was this way… divulge a little more than she was willing to say. She was going to feel exposed, and it would hurt, that was a given…

…But if she wanted to keep her little artist—that wonderful woman currently sleeping _alone_ in her brother’s bed across the hall—she would have to do it. Byleth closes her eyes, pulls the sheets a little tighter around her and sighs. She would just _have_ to do it.

—

Morning comes and Edelgard finds that her eyes are dry and puffy.

She didn’t sleep well at all last night. Too many thoughts, too many scenarios. Edelgard feels like an idiot for the way that she reacted. But at that moment, she felt like her feelings were warranted. They were valid and she knew that. But, she shouldn’t have been so cold with Byleth, should have let her explain things a little more. Were they rushing things? Was _she_ rushing things?

Edelgard doesn’t know. This is her only relationship and she has no other experience or memory or knowledge to go off on. She can recount what she knows from media—books and movies—stories conflated with whispers of adoring adulations and blushing confessions that always come too soon in the storyline. But, this was real life. And reality is often messier than fiction. It doesn’t possess the succinct tellings of two people in love, who know what they’re doing and where they’re going.

Edelgard doesn’t really have a path in life… she just draws. Creates art for people who wish to use her as the conduit for their expression. Things flow through her and she mimics them on scratchy white paper and a pencil threatening to break underneath the strength of her hand. She’s always created things for other people. She doesn’t know what it is to do for herself. How can she, when at the tender age of fifteen, life told her that she had to hit the pause button? She was stripped of a time period where lofty dreams of the future flooded the space around her. Edelgard didn’t even know if she would _have_ a future until she hit her point of remission just before her eighteenth birthday.

And now she feels as if she’s a young woman stuck in a body aged past its prime. And Edelgard _hates_ it. She knows she should still be using that cane when she’s out. There’s always the danger of her losing her balance during some moment when she’s out among the public. She wonders if Byleth has ever noticed the slowness of her pace when they walk? The slight stumble in her gait, when her body feels distant, grounding herself for a minute before she can proceed on. _I’m not sick anymore—_ she tries to tell herself. But the disease still lingers… and she wonders when the next time her immune system will attack. What will it take from her _then_?

She’s sitting up in bed, her arms wrapped around her knees as she stares at the door opposite her. Byleth is beyond there—just waiting for her—but she doesn’t want to leave bed just yet. As if the night had barely left, her mind is still on the conversation she had had with Dorothea before falling asleep—( _probably with more tears than she would like to admit_ ). Had she ruined things? Were they… were they going to breakup over something like this? She hasn’t had much conflict in her life, besides her years spent dealing with this sickness. Her personal relationships—only two, Dorothea and Hubert—have been built from the moment of her birth. Edelgard closes her eyes, wanting to punch herself. _Why_ did she feel so inept?

Dorothea had told her last night that she was being ridiculous. For years, her best friend had been privy to Edelgard’s attempts—( _failed_ )—at romance, and how each time had left her with nothing more. This girl was straight, that girl was too forward, this one wanted her for her _money_. Each tick of a name off the list felt like sheer slander aimed in the direction of her heart. She was so tired of trying to find _someone_ that she was beginning to give up hope.

And then Byleth comes along … and suddenly things don’t seem that bad. She has someone else she can talk to now. Someone else besides Hubert and Dorothea—a person outside of her world who seems to know nothing of who she is and what she can do. And it illuminates the world in shades she can never find in any art store. She’s been trying to find them, for years, and they finally appear before her like spring’s slowly manifesting bloom. Edelgard wishes she could _paint_ with these colors… she wants to use them to create something new.

There’s a knock on the door and she huddles under the blankets, looking for some form of protection. The voice on the other side—soft and sweet— _El_ , _are you awake_? Edelgard looks down toward the foot of the bed and shirks back against the pillows behind her. She didn’t want to talk to Byleth just yet… she needed a minute to collect her thoughts.

She takes a deep breath, pulls her night robe from the chair at her side and pushes herself out of bed. Time to bite the bullet, no sense in prolonging the inevitable. When she pulls open the door, she finds Byleth standing on the other side. There’s… mistletoe suspended in her hand and a slightly pained expression on her face.

“I … thought we could do the kissing part of the make up first.” Byleth stutters out, feeling stupider by the minute for her idea, “You don’t have to if—“

Edelgard stands on the tips of her toes and leans up to press a chaste kiss to those fumbling lips. She pulls back, pulling her robe a little tighter around her small frame and looks down, “…I think the gesture is sweet.”

“Well then. One kiss under the mistletoe successively secured. That’s one tradition out of the way.” Byleth laughs to herself as she pockets the plastic holiday ornament into her hoodie and holds out a hand for Edelgard to take, “…If you will… I think we should have that talk now.”

“…Can we have breakfast first?” Edelgard asks her, looking down at the hand extended her way, “Cook it together?”

A smile appears, genuine, on Byleth’s face, ”…Of course, El.”

They descend into the living room together; take note of the snowstorm that seems to have picked up strength outside the windows of the cabin. It’s _really_ coming down now. And Byleth’s parents are supposed to come up tomorrow morning. Would this clear up by then?

Edelgard and Byleth settle their way into the kitchen; decide on French toast with a side of fruit for breakfast. Things are quiet as Byleth pokes at the toast, coated in eggs and butter, in the pan. Edelgard takes the least disastrous option, cutting bananas and strawberries for the both of them. They’re quiet, demure smiles exchanged in the silence of the snow that continues to fall outside. It’s almost as if the storm is a mirror for their current situation. So much to say, neither really knowing how to broach the topic.

Byleth starts another fire, asks Edelgard if it’s warm enough for her—she knows how cold she always gets. Edelgard smiles softly behind her mug of tea. It’s fine. She’s warm… feels better than she did last night, at least. They eat breakfast together seated on the floor beside the fireplace. Edelgard chances poking a piece of her immaculately cut fruit—(not really, she forgot to cut the stems off some of the strawberries)—toward Byleth’s mouth, and the other woman playfully obliges her. That _dimple_ appears again as they share another smile together.

After breakfast has been finished, they set their plates to the side and Byleth reclines against the sofa behind her, drapes a flannel blanket over Edelgard who settles her head onto Byleth’s lap. She runs a hand through Edelgard’s hair; pulling long strands of light brown free from the ribbons she so fastidiously keeps tied throughout. Edelgard turns over, looks up at her and there’s trepidation in her expression. They should _really_ get started on that talk already.

Edelgard decides that she’ll start since Byleth led this morning. She crosses her arms over her chest, pulling the flannel blanket up a little higher and tilts her head up so she can meet Byleth’s gaze, “…I’m sorry about last night.”

Byleth shakes her head, “…I’m sorry as well.”

“I suppose … we’re both at fault for the way things went last night. If that would be bold of me to assume.”

“No. It’s not.”

“I suppose it isn’t.” Edelgard says, “I … I’m sorry for questioning your attraction to me last night. You… wanting to be with me, that is. These sorts of things just aren’t easy for me to understand. I’ve never … I don’t have much experience in relationships… romantic or otherwise.”

“I think … you’ve mentioned that before.”

“Perhaps I have. But, I should explain myself a little more. If you would allow me to do so.”

Byleth nods, “Go on, I’m listening.”

“I spent a good portion of my teenage years being … sick. I think you know that by now. And during that time, the one thing I’ve only been focused on is my health. I never really had time to develop relationships outside of that.” Edelgard admits, “So… with you. As I’ve said before. This is all new to me… and I don’t … I didn’t want to appear to be … I don’t know, some clueless virgin when it came to you.”

“…I wouldn’t have judged you for that, Edelgard.”

“I know. You said that already. But, this is about how _I_ feel about myself. Not what you think.” Edelgard replies, “There have been other women besides you. Ones that I’ve felt something for, tried to date, but nothing came to fruition. They always had ulterior motives when it came to me. These were women in the higher echelons of society… and names and prestige are such a drab affair that I care nothing for.”

“They wanted to take advantage of you.” Byleth nods her head in understanding, “…And you expressed worry that I was going to do the same.” Hell, even Hubert had said something along those lines, hadn’t he?

“Yes.” Edelgard nods her head slowly, pulling the blanket a little tighter, “…I didn’t want to think that you were the same.”

“I’m not.” Byleth tries to reaffirm, “If that were the case, I wouldn’t be swatting your hand away all the time when you pull your wallet out to pay for something.”

“Yes, I’ve _noticed_ that.” Edelgard chuckles at the thought. “Regardless… it’s always on my mind. And to be with someone—someone that could be _different—_ is unbelievable at times. Sometimes I don’t think you truly know how hard I’ve had to guard myself over these last few years without my father here, Byleth.”

“I think I can understand.” Byleth replies, her thoughts descending into her own issues regarding this whole fiasco, “I guess you can say I feel the same way at times.”

“What do you mean?”

“…I think the word you’re looking for here is … vulnerability. Being vulnerable, at least. …I’ve been lying to myself when I said that wasn’t the case when it came to you.” Byleth responds, “But it is.”

“Vulnerable?” Edelgard questions her.

“When I was young… a teenager, I knew this girl. Met her in school, math class or something. We got to talking, learned other things about the other. She made my heart _ache_ , El. Clench and moan in a way I never felt with any other man.” Byleth answers, “…I … with the men in my life, I always felt like I was hovering on this border. Something that was in-between right and wrong. Always a little bit more wrong than right.”

“You were trying … to be straight?”

“Something like that, yeah.” Byleth nods her head, “I thought that if I just _tried_ to be with a man that those feelings would go away. And so, with you, I felt that—I’ve _felt_ that. The same ache… but it doesn’t hurt with you. It feels good… feels _normal_. Like this is okay. And I don’t have to lie to myself and put up a wall when you’re around.”

Edelgard flushes slightly at that confession, “I suppose I can say the same.”

“That’s good to hear.” Byleth smiles warmly at her, “…At any rate. I wanted to get away from those feelings so… I let that girl go. Called her horrible names and pushed her away to the point where I can’t even remember her face. It was my own inadequacy that caused me to do so.”

“…That’s horrible, Byleth.” Edelgard shakes her head, reaches up a hand to caress her face gently.

“I know. But, it’s the truth. And now… being here with you, I suppose I can face some of that now.” Byleth turns into the caress and closes her eyes, “…I let men into my life and let them take advantage of parts of me because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. Never mind that it didn’t feel right… I just thought… maybe that’s all there was.”

“Well, there isn’t. There’s a world out there … where things don’t have to be like that.” Edelgard pushes herself up now and comes to sit beside her. She spreads the blanket out over their legs and leans in so her shoulder is resting on Byleth’s shoulder, “I …always shied away from sex because … of my illness.”

“You mentioned that.”

“It …it’s done things to the nerves in my body that makes things harder for me.” Edelgard says, “I was serious last night when I said I’ve _never_ had an orgasm. It’s not for lack of trying.”

“Oh… I think I know that already.” Byleth teases and starts snickering when Edelgard playfully hits her on the arm.

“Shush, you.” Edelgard covers her face with her hand, willing the blush to die down. “…I don’t think it’s in my mind. I’ve always had an … active imagination, if you will.”

“Oh?” Byleth’s eyebrows rise in question, “Want to share some of those thoughts with me? Might help for when we eventually… you _know_.”

Edelgard shakes her head, “No. _No,_ Byleth. The thought…” Her eyes quickly flicker to Byleth’s chest, her thoughts of it, and she hides her gaze. The thought was too embarrassing. Maybe later, yeah? Edelgard’s hands reach up to cover her face again, “…I feel like a teenager right now.”

“Yeah… I kind of do, too.” Byleth agrees as she looks at Edelgard trying to hide the redness creeping onto her cheeks, “…It’s funny. Thought nearing thirty meant that this stuff was supposed to get easier, you know?”

“It _never_ is.” Edelgard murmurs as her hands leave her face and she pulls the blanket up toward her chest, “Either way… I understand why you did what you did… and I hope you can understand why I am the way _I_ am.”

“Of course, El.” Byleth replies as she leans in to press a soft kiss to Edelgard’s temple, “I’m glad… I’m glad we were finally able to talk like this instead of all the tiptoeing we’ve been doing over the last couple of months. …I don’t think… I don’t…” The words are stuck on Byleth’s tongue and she has to swallow to reorient herself, “I don’t… want to lose you, you know?”

A strike of warmth, a coal being stoked—heated—bright and red. Edelgard looks up at Byleth, “…I don’t want to lose you either. You… you’ve been everything I could have wanted for a partner. Kind… generous… even if I don’t understand your fish obsession.”

“Most people don’t.”

“It’s endearing to say the least.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

They lapse into silence for a while. Byleth reaches down for Edelgard’s hand and secures it within her own, rubbing soft and comforting circles into her skin. In response, Edelgard clasps her other hand over Byleth’s and turns into her a little more. The fire continues to crackle, comforting in the eye of the storm.

“…Can I tell you something completely embarrassing, Byleth?”

“I mean… might as well if we’re having this conversation and airing everything out into the open.”

Edelgard turns to her, “My friend, Dorothea, I think I’ve mentioned her. Well, she knows about me and my … _status_. She took me shopping for something … for _us_ to use if the mood struck. She said I could think of it as a … a _Christmas_ gift for you.”

“…Use, El?”

“…A …” Edelgard closes her eyes, inhales sharply before she says the word, “A _strap on_. As if sex _isn’t_ sex just because it’s lacking a phallus. It’s… it’s in my bag upstairs and—I _can’t_ believe I’m even admitting this to you right now.”

Byleth throws her head back in laughter at the absurdity of it all, “Okay, _okay_. If we’re going to talk about friends being embarrassing, I’ll raise you one. Claude, you remember him, right?”

“Your brother’s fiancé, yes?”

“Yeah. Also my best friend. Great guy, talks me down from a lot of my stupid personal stuff.” Byleth waves a hand in dismissal to get back on topic, “Well this idiot took me _lingerie_ shopping before we came up here. _Me_. In lingerie. I think the most I owned before that was a lacy black thong of some sort pushed into the furthest recesses of my underwear drawer.”

Edelgard snickers softly, “I mean, forgive me for this, but you don’t seem the type to wear such a thing. Too much lacy fabric. Doesn’t seem like a necessity.”

“You’re right. In fact, I think I’ve heard someone refer to me as a _lumberjack lesbian_ before as some type of insult.” Byleth starts laughing as well, “Regardless… it’s here, too.”

As her laughter dies down, a smile comes to Edelgard’s face, “…This whole thing has been kind of ridiculous, hasn't it, Byleth?”

“Yeah, Edelgard, it has.”

“…I guess these sorts of things just … happen when two people get together and they want to show their best face for the other.”

“Yeah, well… in relationships … sometimes you have to see the ugly with the good.” 

“I guess so.”

Silence again. Edelgard looks up at Byleth, before climbing into her lap and settling against with her arms around Byleth’s shoulder. In response, Byleth’s arm comes around to cradle her waist, letting Edelgard lean into the embrace. Edelgard rests her head on Byleth’s shoulder and let’s her shoulders drop down. _Finally._ The dust had been cleared. Where should they go from here?

“You know…” Byleth begins again, “It feels nice to be physical with someone like this. Gentle… at ease. Not worrying if they’re going to push you away if you reach out to them with a little bit of kindness in your touch.”

“…Was your ex-boyfriend like that?” Edelgard asks.

“Yeah.” Byleth replies, as her head careens back into the sofa’s seat cushions, “I _like_ cuddling—which you seem apt to do now—but there were some nights where he would just shrug me away when I reached out to him…”

“Why did you stay with this … this _asshole_ for so long, Byleth?”

Byleth shrugs, “I told you before that it wasn’t all bad. Maybe I was willing to overlook all of that other stuff for the sake of staying in something for too long that wasn’t worth it in the end.”

“…What other things did he do?”

“…Sometimes… when we had sex… he would always be in such a rush to go off to the bathroom and wash himself off. Like the feeling of me—having what was inside of me, on _him—_ was the worst feeling in the world.” Byleth remarks, her face contorting into a sneer at the memory, “…I remember one time he asked me— _Byleth, did you come—_ and I wanted to laugh in his face. Wanted to tell him, _no_ , I’ve never come with you.”

Edelgard is feeling the urge to _find_ this man and rip his dick off. She frowns, “Were your other partners like that?”

Byleth shakes her head, “No. First one, we were too stupid and young to really know what we were doing. Second one was fine though. I got off a couple of times with him. Mostly I had just settled on the idea that men had no idea what they were doing and … that was that.”

“They don’t.” Edelgard remarks, “Not that I’m speaking from experience here, but have you _seen_ how they act?”

“ _Hey_ , now. Not all men are like that.” Byleth pats her softly on the shoulder, “There’s some good ones out there.”

“Not that I care to find out.” Edelgard rolls her eyes, “…Anyway. Forget that deplorable asshole and all that he took and never gave you. You… you’re with _me_ now. And I would never do that to you.”

“I doubt that you would.” Byleth answers, somewhat airily.

Edelgard thumbs the exposed skin near the crook of Byleth’s neck, before letting her other hand turn Byleth’s face toward her and presses their lips together. She pulls back for a minute, gauging Byleth’s expression, before leaning in again, pulling her a little closer and sinking her weight forward. Byleth’s arm tightens slightly around her back, her hand reaching under Edelgard’s shift to thumb softly at the skin of her hip. Edelgard is about to pull back again to see if this is _okay—_ Byleth pulls her back in for another kiss.

As Byleth pulls away from her, those fingers still moving suggestively against the skin of Edelgard’s hip, “…El… do you…”

“ _Yes_.” Edelgard says before she can even question herself and the way in which her thoughts are leading her, “Please, Byleth. I …”

“Where should we…” Byleth looks around them, tilting her head to the side, “…Do you want a bed? Or will … is this okay right here?” Oh, God, they were being awkward again.

“I don’t—Byleth, I don’t _care_ —“ Edelgard, getting flustered now.

“I think we should go upstairs… to the bed.” Byleth affirms, not really taking in Edelgard’s mood. She eases her hand out from underneath the cloth, gets to her feet, and extends a hand to pull Edelgard up as well.

Edelgard allows Byleth to pull her forward, stumbling a little as it feels like it takes forever for them to get back upstairs to the second level of the cabin. Byleth pushes open the door to her room, pulls Edelgard in after her, and closes the door as if they’re about to be disturbed. Edelgard looks at her as if she’s expecting Byleth to take the lead… _please_. Just this once?

Byleth grasps her by the shoulders, pulls her in for another gentle kiss, before steering them in the direction of the bed. Edelgard hits the bed with a soft _poof_ and Byleth climbs over her, meeting the expectant gaze of the woman below her. She tries to look reassuring. Edelgard’s heart is hammering in her chest as Byleth leans back to pull her hoodie over her head, leaving herself in just her nightshirt and pajama pants. This was okay this time, right?

Byleth leans down to kiss her neck, running soft lines of _want_ across her skin and down into the curve of her collarbone. Edelgard clutches at the arms planted on both sides of her, careening her neck back to allow Byleth to move further into the space. She can feel the arousal already building down below, the fabric of her panties shifting and sliding, a little more noticeable against her skin. Byleth pushes at the fabric of her nightgown, kissing, sliding her tongue over the exposed skin. She looks down at Edelgard to gauge her expression— _Still okay_? Yes.

Byleth pauses for a minute to check in, “…Is … is there anything you want from me this time?”

“… _Huh_?” Edelgard looks at her with some sort of confusion, “What… what do you mean?”

“I … I don’t know.” Byleth rubs at the back of her head. She … really hadn’t thought this through, had she? “Do… do you want me to eat you out? Or… just… fingers or… I don’t know, Edelgard. Help me out here.”

“Well, _I_ don’t know either.” Edelgard stutters out. She looks down at where her Byleth’s hips are hovering over her own and then back at Byleth, “…I guess… if you’re okay with it. You could try… down there…”

Byleth looks upward, a faint blush crossing her face—thinking of just _how_ Edelgard was going to taste. How she would react? Was eating a girl out the same as playing around with some dude’s dick? Nope. Probably not. Giving blowjobs was easy. At least, Byleth thought so. Just yank, yank, suck, suck, _pull_. Pop. Ecstasy released. She looks back down at Edelgard who’s blushing as well and licks her lips. Okay, let’s _go,_ Byleth.

As Byleth lowers herself along the length of her body, Edelgard bristles, “I… I know I told you before… but it might be a little hard for me…”

“Don’t _worry_ about that, El.” Byleth says as she pushes the fabric of Edelgard’s shift up a little more, “I just want you to enjoy yourself. The end goal here isn’t to have you coming your brains out. First times aren’t like that…”

“I know, but I…” Edelgard brings a wrist up to her face, hiding her gaze a bit as she notices her thighs being exposed, the beginning of her hips. She closes her eyes when her panties come into view and falls back onto the pillows behind her.

“…I just want you to relax. Just … just _relax_.” _I’m just as nervous as you are._

“Easier said than done.” Edelgard mumbles as she covers her face with one of her arms now. She can feel Byleth’s fingers slipping around the edge of her panties now, pulling them down slowly.

Byleth pauses for a minute. She raises a hand to Edelgard’s arm and gently removes it so she can look at her. Edelgard chances opening her eyes for a minute to meet her gaze and looks away when she sees the soft smile on Blyeth’s face. “Edelgard. It’s just us right now, okay?”

“I know…” Edelgard murmurs. She glances furtively back in Byleth’s direction, “What… what about you, though?”

Byleth shakes her head, “Don’t worry about that for now. I can help you through that after I take care of you.”

Right now… right now she wants to give Edelgard a _taste_ of what she’s been missing. Or _taste_ … Edelgard, that is. Both were good. She kisses Edelgard again, before descending back down and pulling Edelgard’s panties down her hips, past her thighs, off her calves, and tossing them to the side.

“Ease back on the pillows.” Byleth says, “…I might fall off the bed if we continue as we are.”

Edelgard does as she asks, pushes herself up into a sitting position and Byleth waits patiently until she’s comfortable. She looks back up at the woman with some sort of expectancy and Byleth crawls forward, running her hands along Edelgard’s legs as she crouches on the bed before her. Edelgard’s resists the urge to let her eyes go skyward as Byleth presses a kiss to both of her thighs, uses her hands to spread her legs apart a little further… and _there_ it is. It’s like she’s found a treasure no one else has ever known. Byleth looks up at Edelgard one more time, before leaning forward for a taste.

It’s … different, Byleth notes to herself. Sort of musky, a different sort of arousal. Salty? Hm, not much. Not at all like the _other_ stuff she’s been privy to experience in her sexual life. Regardless, it’s soft. And as her tongue pushes around in the deeper parts of Edelgard, she catches her taste in her mouth. Slick, _warm_. It’s _wet_ down here—pun intended—and it turns her even more in response.

It takes a little while, she experiments with techniques. Side to side? No, El didn’t respond to that at all. ABCs? No, that was clichéd and dumb. She tries a little more up and down and thinks she feels Edelgard retract again. What about circles? Okay, a flinch in those thighs currently framing her ears. A slight, breathy moan as she progresses.

Edelgard’s hand reaches down, soft on the top of her head, and stays there for a minute. Byleth can feel the tensing in Edelgard’s fingers, like she wants to put the full weight of her hand down on Byleth’s head… but she’s afraid to. Byleth stops for a minute, licks her lips and tastes the wetness on her tongue. Hm? _Mmm._

“You taste _nice_.” Byleth blatantly states with, no tact, as always.

Edelgard is covering her face with her hands again, “ _Byleth_.”

Byleth continues, ignoring her embarrassment, “…I’m trying to figure out what’s working for you here. What felt good from before?”

“I…” Edelgard shakes her head, still covered with her hands.

“El.” Byleth tilts her head to the side, leaning down to kiss her thighs again, “Just tell me what feels _good_ and I’ll try my best. We can always try something different if this doesn’t feel right.”

“I…” Edelgard peeks out at Byleth from between two of her fingers, mumbling, “…I liked… the circular… thing you were doing. I … that felt like _something_. That’s usually … that’s usually how I touch myself.”

“Okay then.” Byleth kisses her other thigh and sets back to work.

As she descends again, Byleth starts thinking of other things she could do. That hesitant hand is back on her head and Edelgard is moving a little closer to her now. Should she try using her fingers? Edelgard _had_ been doing that when she walked in on her the other night, right?

Removing one hand from Edelgard’s thigh, Byleth careens to the side for a minute to allow space for her arm to enter the foray. She arches up slightly, _sucks_ on Edelgard for a little bit of a surprise, and grins to herself when she hears an abrupt squeak come from those pillows. The hand tightens on top of her head, fisting some of her hair. …For all Edelgard’s talk of lacking sensation, _some_ things were still working right.

Byleth works one finger in, sliding gently inside. It's warm. And soft. Just like she expected it to be. Her ears perk, listening for a reaction. Or maybe its Edelgard sliding forward again, encouraging her to proceed. She slides a second digit in, chances some experimentation with her fingers. Gets a little silly, wiggles them around—hears Edelgard’s vocal sounds of displeasure. Pushes them in and out… doesn’t seem to do much. Curling? Pressing up. Edelgard hisses at her—maybe just… she should replicate the actual motions of coitus like before.

For Edelgard, this feels better than _anything_ she’s ever done to herself. As Byleth had said, she would be gentle. And she was listening … in some form of another. She looks down at the woman between her legs, feels the blush intensify over her face and closes her eyes again. Well, this was it. The first time, hm?

She covers her mouth when a particularly loud whimper escapes unwittingly and Byleth grips at her thigh. Byleth picks her head up from between Edelgard’s legs at that moment, noticing the hand in her hair going noticeably _taut_. _Please_ , El. Don’t be quiet. I _want_ to hear you. I want to know if this _feels_ good for you.

“El… it’s okay if you let it out…” She murmurs, her fingers picking up the pace slightly and noticing Edelgard’s hand rise a little higher on her face, “…If it feels good…please, just let it… _okay_?”

Edelgard sinks down into the sheets, hand moving away from her face to pull at the fabric. This was more than past halfway. She’s never really… gotten _here_ before. And it feels … it feels like she’s going to break from how _good_ it feels. She slides down in the sheets, her heels pushing back against the fabric, causing them to bunch at the edge. Byleth angles her wrist slightly, pushes a thumb up against Edelgard’s clit and she shifts again. Another whimper that Edelgard tries to hide.

“El…”

She’s been fighting with her body for so long. It never wants to cooperate when she needs it to. Never lets her feel things that she wants to. Edelgard’s head presses back in the pillows as she feels Byleth’s tongue press down on her again, those fingers pushing into her, soft and secure. Her breathing picks up; she opens her eyes to look down at Byleth. Her hips are moving in tandem with the rhythm, eyes misting over, everything growing cloudy. Byleth looks up at her again, pulls away one more time.

_Let it out._

Everything feels new and different, and Edelgard wonders if the world has always felt like this. Was it possible to feel this warm and loved at the same time? She was always _so_ cold. Remembers the sparse and clinical feel of tubes and wiring pressed into her skin. The beeping of a machine at her side, keeping track of her heartbeat. Mechanical touch never felt like _this_. This was human. …Is this was what it felt like to finally feel _human_?

She curls into herself; three soft inhales and careens back into the pillows, shaking. Byleth follows her, soft grip on her thigh, never moving from the place that’s never granted her release in so damn long. _Ever_ , really. She pulls at Byleth’s hair, tries to move away from that tongue that stays firmly planted against her, trying to keep her still and lets the waves of release wash over her. ...Edelgard never really expected the first time to be like … _this_. But, maybe all those years of touch—solo exploration—had just been a build up for this.

Byleth pulls away from her, licking her lips of excess nectar and looks up at Edelgard. There she is, chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. Weak, perhaps satiated. …Byleth grins—yeah, she looks pretty satiated. She removes her fingers from inside of Edelgard, pushes the shift back over her thighs and comes up to lie beside her. Edelgard turns over, buries her face into the fabric of Byleth’s t-shirt and doesn’t say anything.

“…Was that good?” Byleth asks, settling a hand on Edelgard’s hip, brushing out the creases in the silk.

A soft nod of her head.

“…Are you… okay?”

“Yes.” Comes Edelgard’s muffled response, turning in a little further.

Byleth chuckles softly as she pulls Edelgard in for an embrace, “…I guess… I’m a quick learner after all?” She asks, trying to lighten the mood with a bit of humor.

Edelgard whaps her gently on the arm, but doesn’t say anything. She throws an arm around Byleth and pulls her in a little closer as well. She doesn’t want to say anything just yet. She just wants to lie here, taking in the moment. Because _it_ finally happened.

Byleth chances speaking again, “When you’re ready… we can try other things.” She leans down to kiss the crown of her head, “… _When_ you’re ready.”

Edelgard finally looks up at her, “We can try… later. Just … give me a minute to compose myself.”

“Take all the time you need, El.” Byleth grins down at her. The dimple. Again.

Edelgard goes back to burying her face into Byleth’s chest and nods her head in agreement.

In the background, beyond the window, the strength of the snow has quelled into a gentle swell.


	4. Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barely made it. Waahahaha. Literally sat through four hours of winter instrumental music to get in the mood to finish this by today.
> 
> Merry Christmas, guys. I hope you enjoyed this soft, sappy, sapphic mush.

Late afternoon, it’s starting to snow again.

It’s been a little while since their little… adventure in the bedroom. But, things are kind of okay. Edelgard can actually meet Byleth’s gaze again, but thoughts keep popping into Byleth’s mind like— _I just had sex with a girl and the world didn’t end._

Perhaps they still had some work to do.

A phone call comes from Sitri while Edelgard is sitting around sketching some of the interior of the house and Byleth is sitting opposite her, reading a book on the couch. _I’m not sure if we’re going to be able to make it up there in time for Christmas, hon. This weather just isn’t letting up down here._ Edelgard stops sketching when she hears the drop in Byleth’s voice and takes in the slightly crestfallen look on her girlfriend’s face. What’s wrong?

Byleth hangs up the phone, sinks down in the couch and tries to keep the emotion out of her tone as she explains the situation to Edelgard. Her parents? Not being able to make it up to the cabin for Christmas? They _always_ celebrate Christmas together.

Edelgard sets her sketchpad off to the side and leans forward to place a warm hand on Byleth’s arm. Why… why don’t they decorate the tree together? Would that cheer her up? Maybe kickstart that holiday spirit again? Byleth turns her gaze on Edelgard, not entirely convinced that this will improve her sudden decline in mood—she agrees regardless.

Byleth hauls boxes of holiday decorations from out of the cabin’s basement, while Edelgard sorts through them in the living room. She finds wreathes, glittery red bows, and garlands with pinecones and fake blooms of holly sewn throughout. At the bottom of one of the boxes, she finds a set of four stockings—felt, with childish handwriting scrawled across. The one that meets her hand has the name _Byleth_ on it and she smiles warmly to herself.

The two of them drag and push the tree over in the direction of the fireplace, and Byleth has Edelgard hold the tree stand steady, as she pushes the pine tree upright to sit within it. After Edelgard tightens the screws into the base of the tree and secures it into place, she looks up. She finds… she has to swallow to wet her steadily drying throat. Byleth… is hovering over her and if Edelgard angles her head _just_ right, she can see up her shirt, and notices …that she’s not wearing a bra either. Her face reddens as she quickly lowers her gaze and crawls out from beneath where Byleth is standing. So, _that’s_ what they looked like. Byleth is confused as Edelgard wanders out of the living room mumbling something about needing water because she was _so_ parched.

When Edelgard has regained her composure and can somewhat look Byleth in the face again, the two of them set about decorating the tree together. Red and gold, gaudy yellow tinsel, some strange and childish ornament—sticks, stones and crumpled leaves that appear to be… hot glued together? Byleth chuckles as she gives one a spin and tells Edelgard— _Me and Bert made these for mom one year as a Christmas gift… freaking terrible, but she still loves them._

Byleth tosses Edelgard the beginning of the lights… but immediately regrets her idea when she sees Edelgard standing on her tippy toes to try and reach the top of the tree. She chuckles, disappears for a minute and returns with a step ladder from the kitchen.

As the tree nears completion, Byleth reaches for the star to top everything off and hands it in Edelgard’s direction. Would she like to do the honors? Edelgard smiles warmly. Of course she would.

As Edelgard hops off the step ladder again, Byleth leans over to plug the tree in and it comes to life. Edelgard reaches an arm around her waist, settles in against Byleth’s shoulder and smiles up at her— _Well? What do you think?_ Byleth tilts her head to the side, pretends like she’s seriously assessing it, before leaning in to give Edelgard a kiss on the lips. _Perfect, El._

…The only thing really missing is the presents under the tree. And her family, of course. But, she’s got Edelgard… and that’s more than enough in this moment. That was the whole point of bringing her up here, right?

They decide to spend the entire day inside, being silly, having fun. The holidays, a time for indulgence and remembering the softer elements of life outside of the harshness of adulthood. Forgetting herself, Edelgard turns to Byleth and asks her if she will indulge her childish side and play _hide and go seek_ of all things. The cabin is large enough, why _not_? Always up for a chance to keep a smile on that beautiful face, Byleth complies with her silly wishes and turns away from Edelgard, the soft pattering of her feet running away, as the count begins.

She finds Edelgard squeezed between a closet and a wall somewhere in the master bathroom of her parent’s bedroom. _How_ in the world did El even fit there? Edelgard just grins as Byleth pulls her from between the space and tells her she’s fun sized. A pause. Byleth grins, slightly amorous, at her choice of words and Edelgard blushes. Oh, come _on_ , already.

Byleth hides next, under her brother’s bed. She doesn’t really care about playing the game, just spending time with Edelgard—as she intended—is more than enough. She pokes her head out from beneath the bed, grabs hold of Edelgard’s ankles as she sees her walking by and starts laughing when Edelgard yelps and falls backwards onto the bed. As Byleth gets up, Edelgard playfully slaps her on the shoulder and tells her— _You’re supposed to_ ** _wait_** _for me to find you, Byleth._ Byleth just shrugs. Nah, she was having too much fun messing around with Edelgard.

They forget their childish hijinks, settling down in the recreation room, and Edelgard turns to Byleth and asks—what now? Byleth eyes the pool table that’s sitting large and unused in the center of the room and smirks. Was Edelgard up for a game of pool? Is she up for a _game_? Edelgard simply grins at Byleth’s challenge, the other woman completely unaware by what she’s about to get into. It’s been _a while_ since Edelgard’s destroyed someone’s self esteem while playing the game. Byleth has to try her hardest to hide her shock when she learns her girlfriend is a _freaking_ pool shark.

After the sun departs from the sky again—and Byleth tries to recover from her dismal loss—they cook dinner again. Byleth let’s Edelgard season the meat this time and it’s … not as _good_ as it should be. But as Edelgard looks up at her, those lavender eyes filled with worry and latent embarrassment, Byleth chews her way through the chicken and _smiles_. _It’s great, El_. A little white lie that probably _won’t_ hurt this time.

After dinner, Byleth sets about making some chocolate chip cookies—something to appease their appetites from their somewhat lackluster dinner. They put on some music, soft piano instrumentals for the season. Byleth stands behind Edelgard as she whisks ingredients into a glass bowl, pausing to let Byleth pour in items from smaller bowls that she had sectioned off. They stand beside one another, watching the cookies through the window in the oven and Edelgard hums happily as the sweet aroma fills the kitchen. Byleth grins back at her— _Good job on the whisking._

As they sit in front of another fire, the tree glowing softly beside them, Edelgard turns to Byleth and asks her— _Why don’t we roast some marshmallow?_ Byleth nods in agreement and chances being slightly _naughty_ as she tells Edelgard she has a taste for something _sweet_ again. Edelgard kind of just… _looks_ at her, missing the meaning in her words. Byleth feels like an idiot—tells her _never mind_ —as she walks into the kitchen to retrieve the bag of marshmallows and find something to stick them on. Yeah, they still had some work to do.

They sit by the fire, pushed together with the flannel blanket draped over their shoulders, the cookies still fresh and warm. The only thing Byleth could really find in the kitchen was a pair of her father’s barbecuing tongues and Edelgard isn’t exactly sure how well this is going to work, but they try regardless. The marshmallows end up somewhat of a burnt mess and they have to use a knife to get them off the tongs—but they work well, with warm mugs of bergamot tea, and homemade cookies squishing gooey white mess into makeshift sandwiches.

Byleth throws a sleepy arm around Edelgard and suggests that they go to sleep for the night. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve—and perhaps things will turn around and her family will _still_ be able to make it up before Christmas day. Edelgard nods in agreement as she opens the glass doors to the fireplace and Byleth sets about putting it out. They could _hope_ at the very least.

They settle into Byleth’s bed. The awkwardness from before seems to have died down and Edelgard asks Byleth if _she_ can snuggle her for once. She did say she liked cuddling, right? Byleth blushes a bit and just smiles at Edelgard’s suggestion. _Sure… El. I think I’d like that_.

Sleep comes a little quicker to Byleth than it does Edelgard. They were talking about one Christmas from Byleth’s childhood—something about her brother burning his forehead on the roast pan. After her laughter dies down, Edelgard launches into her own disaster story from _one_ Christmas so long ago, when she hears soft snoring coming from in front of her. Edelgard calls to Byleth once— _Byleth?—_ and earns a soft grunt in response. Ah, she was asleep.

Edelgard tries to close her eyes and let the night carry her away as well… but she’s finding it harder to succumb to the call of sleep tonight. It’s quiet tonight, the snowstorm from before has left them—carried its way down south to prevent other wary travelers from making their last departures on time. She hopes… that she’ll be able to spend the holidays with Byleth’s family. …And if that doesn’t happen—she turns her gaze toward the back of Byleth’s head again—at least she has _her_.

An hour passes… and then another…

Edelgard careens her head back to glance at the LED display on the alarm clock on Byleth’s nightstand—12:34AM. She hones in on Byleth’s soft rhythmic breathing from in front of her—the rise and fall of her shoulders—looks down at where her arm hangs limply over Byleth’s hips. They had intertwined their hands together as Edelgard had snuggled her from behind. But, it appeared as if Byleth’s grip had gone slack, the deeper she fell into the recesses of sleep. Edelgard shifts slowly in the sheets, as not to wake the sleeping woman in front of her. Maybe a change of position would help things?

The minute Edelgard moves away to adjust herself, Byleth rolls over in her direction—seeking out the lost warmth. Edelgard chuckles softly, redistributes her arm over Byleth’s hips, and pulls the other woman in a little tighter. She swears she hears something of a happy murmur— _Edelgard—_ come from Byleth’s direction. …This was nice, _just_ the two of them… the quiet of the cabin at night and no one to bother them. Sure, the plans with Byleth’s family might have gone awry for the time being, but it was fine. Who knew? Maybe it would just be the two of them celebrating Christmas together after all.

Edelgard leans forward, buries her face in-between Byleth’s shoulder blades and leans up to press a kiss to the nape of her exposed neck. Byleth murmurs again in her sleep, shifts again, before falling back into some manner of slumber again. She feels… so warm right now. Warm and loved. Something that was missing from her life for so long has finally come to greet her—like a long lost friend finally appearing at her front door. She rubs her face against Byleth’s skin, inhaling her familiar scent and sighs softly. Who cares if she couldn’t sleep? She had _this_ right beside her.

Edelgard gently moves her hand away from Byleth’s hip and she tiptoes her fingers along her shoulder, as if they were going for a leisurely walk. No reaction. Hm. Edelgard leans forward again, presses a kiss behind Byleth’s ear. Slight shift. She really wasn’t trying to wake her up per se… but that playful atmosphere from earlier had taken hold again. Or maybe it was something… _more_.

Edelgard pushes herself up slowly on her free arm and peers down at Byleth in the darkness. The shared blanket and heavy duvet are falling off her shoulder… and that’s when Edelgard gets her mischievous idea. Perhaps an idea that will lead to something _else_. You know, to thank Byleth for earlier?

She works her arm underneath the flannel blanket and heavy duvet, puffs it out somewhat and lets them descend a little higher up on Byleth’s shoulders this time. In the process, Edelgard dips her hand beneath the blankets again, searching out the edge of Byleth’s nightshirt. She finds the distinctive scratchy material and edges her hand underneath, _slowly_ —pauses as she hears Byleth sigh as Edelgard slips her arm underneath Byleth’s own—and finally finds her hand encased in nothing but warmth and the softness of Byleth’s skin.

Edelgard’s thoughts drift back to earlier as her hand scales a little closer to what she’s looking for. A blush _finally_ covers her face. She had _seen_ them, felt them pressed against her own, been thinking about them for days… _weeks_ at this point. Now… now she was going to finally touch …

 _Oh_.

Her index finger brushes against something way softer than the rest of Byleth’s skin. And it kind of just … sticks out, poking her as she chances another gentle press of her finger. Ah, it would appear that you have found something called a _nipple_ , Edelgard. She moves her middle finger now—brushes against the nipple again—Byleth shifts slightly in her grasp. Edelgard chances further experimentation— _God, they were soft. And so squishy. Way squishier without a bra on._ She feels her face heat up a little more.

…Should she really be doing this though? Byleth _was_ trying to sleep after all and this was kind of… stepping out of bounds, perhaps? Edelgard tries to rationalize things somewhat in her mind—she had read _tons_ of those smutty romance novels that she hid from Hubert in the deepest corners of her bookshelves. Didn’t this happen sometime? One person was feeling a little frisky in their sleep and they woke the other up to see if they wanted to do things, _too_?

Yet, once again, this was reality. Not fantasy.

Byleth stirs, groggy and confused, as a sleepy— _El_?—falls from her lips. She blinks blearily, waking up from a dream where she was feeding Edelgard some type of custard, while dressed in that God-awful Ms. Claus lingerie Claude had convinced her to buy. She blinks again, trying to shift in the sheets and notices that she’s … stuck. There’s a rather _small_ and naughty hand currently underneath her shirt. Byleth isn’t quite sure what to say, so Edelgard starts first.

“…I’m sorry.” Edelgard begins, as she goes to retract her hand.

Byleth stops her, holding her hand over her shirt to stop Edelgard’s, which is still buried underneath, “…I … didn’t say you should stop.”

 _Oh_. Edelgard, perhaps with some renewed vigor, brushes her fingers softly across one of Byleth’s nipples again. A slight shudder from the woman in front of her. “Perhaps… we should … change position?”

Byleth nods in agreement. Edelgard pulls her hand out from Byleth’s shirt and allows the other woman to roll onto her back. Edelgard in turn, moves in the sheets and throws her leg over Byleth’s hip and hovers above her for a minute. Well, they did stuff this morning, didn’t they? She should have _some_ idea of what she should do now, right? Edelgard pushes Byleth’s shirt up to her chin and in the darkness of the room, she can’t _see_ much, but she can feel them. And, _God_ , are they soft.

“... I …have a confession to make.” Edelgard says, as she cups one of Byleth’s breasts in her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. She hears a soft groan come from the woman below her as her other hand comes around and gives the opposite breast the same treatment, “…I … I saw … your tits today when we were setting up the tree.”

“…What?” Byleth asks, still trying to wake up.

“…You leaned over me … and I looked up and _saw_ them…” Edelgard stammers out, “…I’ve been thinking about them all day. I’m… I’m _always_ thinking about them.”

Byleth chuckles gently, “You wouldn’t be the first to tell me that.”

“They’re just… _there_ , Byleth.” Edelgard pushes Byleth’s breasts together, uses her thumbs to swipe over her nipples again, “Forgive me, but it’s kind of hard _not_ to.”

“It’s okay, El.” Byleth, still laughing, “…Just. Do what you want. I’ll tell you if I don’t like something.”

Edelgard licks her lips that feel oddly dry in this moment and leans down in the darkness. She kisses Byleth gently, on the lips, then the neck, collarbone, down… the skin below. She chances a soft lick and feels Byleth flinch slightly. Another slow trail of her tongue around the nipple, Byleth’s hand is on her head now. She feels her shift slightly as she takes part of the mound into her mouth. Licking around the nipple as she creates suction with her lips. Byleth, a breathier moan.

Edelgard pulls back, splays her hand across the wet nipple, “…How sensitive are you?”

“… _Very_.” Byleth admits, “…Always have been.”

Edelgard leans down to the other breast, lavishing it with the same attention that she gave the first. This was … actually kind of nice. She shifts her weight over Byleth, moving to straddle one of her legs. Edelgard presses forward with her thigh, trying to find the place she’s thinking about getting to next. _If,_ Byleth would indulge her.

Edelgard careens back momentarily as she reaches for her nightshirt and goes to pull it over her head. She leans back down, encouraging Byleth to do the same, as she pulls at the long sleeved shirt and Byleth raises her arms over her head in acknowledgement. Edelgard is back again, peppering kisses all over the exposed skin, haven’t seemingly forgotten all about her shyness from the day before. All she needed was a little encouragement, that’s all.

She presses her thigh down again and feels Byleth angle her hips slightly in response. A soft grinding motion, another moan. Edelgard tries to find Byleth’s gaze in the darkness of the room— _Is it okay if … I try this time?_

“…Byleth?” She questions, somewhat hesitant.

“…Yes, Edelgard?” The sound of that voice has changed. Less sleepy… a tinge of uncertainty?

“Can … I …would it be okay?” Edelgard asks, “Do … do you want me to go down on you?”

“Only if you’re ready...” Byleth tells her. She goes quiet for a minute, as if she’s thinking of something that she doesn’t want to say just yet.

“Byleth?”

“We can do other stuff if you aren’t, you know? This… thing you’re doing right now is just fine.” 

Edelgard pulls away from her for a minute. She wants to turn on the light so that she can look at Byleth for a minute. There’s something in her voice that sounds… like it’s afraid of something. Or she’s fighting with herself internally over what’s happening.

“Is it okay if I turn on the light?”

“Huh? For what?”

“I just… I want to look at you for a minute.” Edelgard leans over in the direction of the nightstand, prepared to turn on the small lamp, “Is that _okay_?”

“…Sure.”

The light flickers on and Edelgard squints her eyes as she adjusts to the harsh brightness of the lamp. In front of her, Byleth sits up as well, pulling her shirt to her chest. Protection? Was she feeling too exposed right now? Edelgard’s thoughts harken back to their conversation from earlier— _vulnerability._ What was… was there something wrong with what Edelgard was asking to do? Byleth had seemed so gung-ho earlier that day… what had changed?

“Byleth.” Edelgard starts, “What’s wrong?”

Byleth clutches the shirt a little tighter and lowers her gaze as Edelgard stares at her, “…It’s just been a while is all.”

Edelgard tilts her head to the side, not understanding completely, “What do you mean?”

“…This.” Byleth gestures as she flops back onto the bed and stares at the ceiling, “Having someone touch me like this.”

 _Oh_. Edelgard’s expression softens, “We can stop if you don’t like it.”

Byleth shakes her head, “It’s not that…”

“Are you sure about that?” Edelgard asks as she comes down to lie beside Byleth, cradling her head in her hand, as she balances her elbow on the pillow, “Byleth... I would never touch you in a way that would hurt you.”

“I know that…” Byleth murmurs, her eyes going anywhere but Edelgard’s face, “I guess… I just have some shit left over from… you know—that last relationship.” _It’s almost been a year. I thought I was **over** this._

Edelgard takes in the distance she feels from her girlfriend at present and closes her eyes. “…Byleth. I will never ask you to divulge more than your willing.”

“I _know_ , El.” Byleth says, “…I just … get weird with certain things I guess.”

 _He wasn’t gentle with you_. _He never gave you what you needed. Or what you wanted. He used you and you thought that was all there was. And now, with me, you lie here in this bed of yours and don’t know how to ask me to give you what you need. Even… even if I don’t know what I’m doing exactly—_ Edelgard’s thoughts roll on as she watches Byleth struggle for the words to articulate how she’s feeling at present— _I don’t want you to think I’m like that. I want to please you. I want to make you **feel** good. I want you… to know all of those things and more._

“…What if you guide me, Byleth?” Edelgard asks her.

“Huh?” Byleth turns to look at her, _finally_. “In what way?”

Edelgard eases off to bed and leans over to turn the light off again. In the darkness, she reaches for one of Byleth’s hands that are still clutched tightly around her shirt and eases it down to the crevice of her thigh. _There_. Guide me into how you _want_ to be touched _here_. Don’t think about what some sleazy asshole with a three-inch dick thinks you want—I’m here now to give you what you _need_.

Byleth attitude seems to change somewhat as Edelgard holds her hand—gentle and patient—ready to respect any boundary that gets slapped up between them tonight. She won’t press if Byleth doesn’t want to go through with this. She shakes Edelgard’s hand free of hers for a minute, turns on her side so that her back is pressed up against Edelgard’s front side. Byleth reaches back, grabs Edelgard’s hand again and guides it toward the band of her pajama pants as she presses her face into the pillow.

Byleth presses down on her Edelgard’s index finger, past her folds and into the wetness that lies within. Edelgard wants to giggle despite the situation—so all that foreplay with Byleth’s breasts _had_ worked after all. Byleth speaks, almost so low that Edelgard can barely hear her— _Slow. Gentle at first, okay?_

Edelgard can _kind_ of figure out Byleth’s pattern of release after a few minutes. Soft and slow like her own, but more angled to the left. Up and down? Byleth shifts slightly against her, breathing speeding up a little. She presses down on Edelgard’s middle finger now, needs more friction. _Faster, El_. Edelgard obliges as Byleth spreads her legs a little more, gives her a little more space to move. Edelgard is kind of surprised that this is coming to her so well… guess it worked a lot better when you understood the equipment you were working with?

Byleth’s hand eases off of her own, reaches up to grip her pillow as Edelgard’s hand starts working a little faster. A little _harder_. Her breathing quickens slightly. Edelgard chances maybe dipping down a little further to experiment in other places—but Byleth grabs her by the wrist and shakes her head. _No_. Not there. Not yet. Not tonight.

Edelgard sets back in motion, Byleth’s hand hanging limply over her own again. With her other arm, she reaches underneath Byleth hips and comes around to start playing with her breasts again. One hand above, one down below. Byleth careens back into the embrace, the back of her head plastered to Edelgard’s shoulder as she feels like the touch of another… doesn’t _hurt_ her like it used to anymore. Edelgard’s name tumbles from Byleth’s lips as she curls in slightly, those fingers following her wherever she goes.

Byleth turns over in bed, grabs Edelgard’s face with both her hands and pulls her in for a slightly heated kiss. In the darkness, she wishes that Edelgard could see how _deeply_ those eyes of her are staring at her. Or, perhaps, Edelgard can feel it. Edelgard’s own hand comes up to caress her face, leans in to kiss her back after she pulls away.

Oddly enough, they both feel tired now. Edelgard, finally, after having sleep elude her for the entire night. Byleth, ready to reenter dreamland once again. Byleth rolls over on her side, let’s Edelgard resume their position from before. Perhaps, in the morning… or whenever, they would talk about _this_ some more. But, this would be a start. Something they didn’t have to concern themselves wholly with at this point in time. Just another thing for them to work on… together.

Byleth slips away first— _again—_ and Edelgard—soft, a kiss pressed to her neck—soon follows after.

—

Christmas Eve.

Another call from Sitri, first thing in the morning.

_We’re still going to try and make it up there by Christmas, honey. Can you start prepping the dishes? My old recipe book should be in one of the bottom cabinets. You and Edelgard can do it together, after all. Oh, I’m **so** excited to meet her, by the way. _

Edelgard can hear the murmuring of Sitri’s voice from Byleth’s cell phone as they lie in bed that morning. But she _doesn’t_ understand why Byleth is getting so flustered now. After the phone call ends, Edelgard leans in and tries to pry. Byleth just shakes her head, pulls her from the sheets and tells her that they have food to prepare.

She tasks Edelgard with the easier items. Wash this, chop that, season this with _that_ amount— _please_ , make sure you’re not using a measuring cup when that recipe calls for a _teaspoon_ , El. Edelgard smiles at her—trying to be reassuring—but Byleth is nervous regardless.

They take a break from meal prepping in the early afternoon. Edelgard turns an innocent eye on Byleth, pushes her fingers together and asks her— _I know it’s a little early… but can we exchange gifts now?_ Byleth is all too happy to oblige.

Sitting by the soft glow of the tree, Byleth pushes her gifts for Edelgard under the tree, and Edelgard does the same. It’s a little silly, but it’s tradition after all. Edelgard reaches for one of the packages and notes the amount of tape covering the entirety of it and looks at Byleth questioningly. What in the _world_ happened? Byleth sighs as she reaches for an immaculately wrapped silver and gold box from Edelgard. Sorry, El. I can’t wrap gifts for shit.

Their first gifts for one another—a _horrendous_ Christmas sweater with a fish on it for Byleth, a disfigured looking teddy bear on the sweater for Edelgard. _I love it_. They echo the sentiment at the same time and resolve to wear them for Christmas day.

They move on to the next set of gifts, Byleth’s wrapping is just as terrible and another pristine and shiny red box with a bow from Edelgard. The second set, looseleaf tea for Edelgard and a book on the history of Japanese sword making for Byleth. Byleth’s eyes light up as she flips through the heavy tome, while Edelgard sniffs at the bag of _assam tea_. Perhaps they could brew a batch while Byleth pulled Edelgard in and prattled on about _all_ of the swords she had been thinking of buying lately…

Edelgard thinks back to the display on the wall above Byleth’s bed back in her loft—didn’t she have enough already?

The last two gifts sit there unopened… and they both _stare_ at one another, because they already know what they are. That aforementioned lingerie and strap-on, huh? Edelgard pats Byleth on the thigh and picks up the slender box carrying the faux phallus. Byleth replicates the action, cradling the lingerie— _Ms. Claus lingerie of_ all _things—_ to her chest. Edelgard waves the box slightly. _Perhaps… we should use these when we’re ready, huh_? Byleth is all too willing to agree.

They’re back to cooking in the kitchen—sneaking kisses in every now and then—when a sound from the living room catches them off guard. Claude, loud and boisterous, and her brother’s familiar monotone— _Byleth. We’re here_. Edelgard shrieks as she gestures toward her scandalous state of dress—Byleth’s t-shirt and no pants—and hides behind Byleth. However, she’s no better, only wearing one of Edelgard’s button-down shirts… just as pantsless.

Claude sees them first. Byleth’s state of dress doesn’t surprise him in the least as he stands in the archway of the kitchen. Come on, now. If you were alone in a cabin with your significant other for three days, what would _you_ be doing? What would _any_ adult be doing? He just kind of stares at them, notes the hesitant poking of Edelgard’s head from out behind Byleth’s shoulder, and turns around without another word.

He’ll just… occupy Bereto. Take him upstairs and explain the situation. Byleth thinks she hears her brother mutter— _Of course—_ as he waltzes past the kitchen, pauses to look at her, and continues on his way upstairs. When they’re gone, Edelgard speed walks her way out of the kitchen and makes her way to Byleth’s room without another word. Well, at _least_ they were on time this year. 

Eight hands are better than four and things are calm once _everyone_ is decent again. Edelgard speaks with Claude about _things,_ as the twin siblings argue over just how much nutmeg _mom_ puts in her sweet potato pie. Satisfied with the food prep for the day—the meats are marinating, the vegetables have been rinsed and quartered—the quartet retires to the recreation room for other leisurely activities. Claude suggests _Scrabble_ and Edelgard ups the stakes— _No. We’re going to play **pool**. _Perhaps, she was still bitter, that they had interrupted her and Byleth’s little love nest with their abrupt arrival.

Byleth can only laugh as Claude _agrees_ —completely smitten with the idea that he will _slaughter_ this little heiress—and Edelgard leaves him dumbfounded, Bereto sipping a beer nonchalantly at Byleth’s side.

They go to bed that night, Byleth as big spoon, Edelgard, little spoon—and _try_ to sleep—but they just keep hearing this … _thumping_ coming from the direction of Bereto’s room. Oh. _They_ know what those sounds are. They’ve been making their own—uninterrupted—over the last couple of days. Edelgard turns to look over her shoulder at Byleth and blatantly asks her— _So, who tops?_ And Byleth slaps Edelgard on the shoulder in a playful way as she laughs. Ew, she doesn’t want to think about that.

…But if she had to hazard a guess… probably Claude.

Christmas comes the next day and it’s snowing again… just not as hard for before.

Byleth turns to look at her brother as he sips his morning coffee. Will their parents make it up in time? He shrugs his shoulders at the thought. Maybe. Maybe not. At least he was early this time. Byleth rolls her eyes, even though he was right.

They put on Christmas music. Winter instrumentals that keep the chill of outside at bay, warming the inside of the cabin and bringing the holiday to life again. Byleth chucks the last of the firewood into the fireplace and sits down on the floor next to Edelgard in a moment’s reprieve. Edelgard turns to look at Byleth, holding a mug of chai tea in her hands— _I hope your parents are able to make it up here today—_ and Byleth nods in agreement, ignoring the arguing from Bereto and Claude in the kitchen. Yeah, El, she hopes so, too.

Moods are lifted as they don their terrible Christmas sweaters—fish and teddy bears—and look like any old obnoxious couple who are just starting to learn what the other likes. Bereto and Claude have disappeared toward the deck to check out the hot tub, and Edelgard snuggles up with Byleth on the couch. They drink the _assam tea_ and Byleth flips through the pages of the book Edelgard gifted her. Through her musings about getting a _wakizashi_ —which Edelgard willingly listens to—the front door opens and brings with it a _Christmas_ miracle. Byleth turns, her eyes alight. Her _parents_ are here.

The day descends into chatter and introductions—Edelgard shyly introduces herself and startles when Sitri pulls her in for a hug and calls her _cute_. Jeralt is silent approval over his wife’s shoulder, but smiles warmly all the same. Sitri pulls Edelgard into the kitchen for nonsensical chatter as Byleth is silently listening behind them. The kitchen floods itself with _love_ and for the first time in many years, Edelgard finds that she has something of a home again. She looks at Byleth, a smile in those lavender eyes—a _thank you_.

Christmas dinner is illuminated by three red candles in the center of the kitchen table and Byleth meets Edelgard’s gaze as they sit opposite one another on both sides of the table. A smile, another view of that singular dimple that Edelgard has come to love. Edelgard nudges Byleth softly with the tip of her shoe underneath the table; Byleth knocks back with her own.

Presents are exchanged, laughter expelled. Sitri recounts tales of the past as Jeralt mumbles corrections through her inaccuracies. Claude snickers, all of this commonplace, and Bereto just _sighs_ at the familiarity of his family’s social interactions. Byleth sits with Edelgard curled against her side, happiness radiating from all around. Another holiday, another Christmas to remember. Outside, the snow has finally stopped falling. Tomorrow they will wake, the last day to be spent at the cabin. A return to Enbarr to continue life as it was lies in wait.

Byleth turns to look at Edelgard as her family jabbers on and smiles at her. Edelgard looks up at her in return, a similar smile unfurling across her own. There were still things to work on, things to talk about. Experiences to be had, thoughts to be untangled. But, perhaps, in this moment… things were all right. The lies of the past could be laid to rest. Inadequacy forgotten, trepidations finally quenched. Broken relationships, loneliness, trepid thoughts that clouded the reality of what things were willing to be. Edelgard, to finally know the heart of another. Byleth, to once again open her own.

She leans down to kiss her— _Merry Christmas, Edelgard._

A return with one of her own— _Merry Christmas, Byleth._


End file.
